Nine Months

So, here we are. Nine Months.

Max can now sleep through the night, in his bed.  We’re talking 12 hours straight.

He’s eating big people food and refuses baby food.

He’s cruising with scary speed.

He’s got 1.5 teeth.

He’s awesome.

Now for me.  I’ve come to realize a few things – 1. Depression, PPD, hormonal imbalance due to pregnancy or whatever it might be called – I didn’t dodge that bullet. Taking steps to get out from under that.

Having slept for the last week, 8-9 hours a night, has helped me immensly.  Sleep is not overrated.

Exercise – I need it.  Not just for my bod, but for my brain and with Max’s sleeping schedule, my life has opened up so I’m not 24/7 playmate to a baby. I actually look forward to gym time.  This from the chick who failed PhysEd so many times in high school, I had to take it again my senior year.

Heavenly Bed – Worth it!

Now for the photos…

Random Thoughts of the Sleep Deprived

• Max will sleep for Sparky, but not me.
• Had my hair colored and she threw in an eyebrow color for free. So I said, “Why not!”
• I can now tell you why not.  My brows are now dark, dark brown to light brown hair.  Looks odd. And my brows are crooked. As long as I am always arching my left, it looks okay.  Otherwise, I have some plucking to do.
• How does Sparky know when I change my razor? I use it once and come back to gross man hair in the blades. Sparky – stop shaving your chest hair with my razor!
• I’ve mentioned it before and I know the consequences, but I always eat too many wintos when drinking diet coke.  THIS happens in my belly.
• After NINE months of almost no sleep, we are going the CIO route.  I need sleep, plain and simple.  I. Can. No. Longer. Function. Without. Sleep. We are on day three, nap time is a breeze.  Nighttime is still a nightmare.
• Max eats everything except milk products now.  Like Japanese, Chinese, Pizza, Italian and Mexican.  If I try to pawn off baby food, he spits it out and reaches for whatever I’m eating. Message received, Kid.
• Nanny procured.  She starts in a week.  This is the hot one who, while hot does not work in her favor, her credentials do.  And Max likes her. I might be a teensy bit worried. Like hausfrau needs to go to the gym and not fuck up her eyebrows sort of worried.  But then again, if a Jude Law situ comes up, I get everything and the house and move back to Cali where I will have The Real Housewives of Orange County plastic surgery performed and re-marry for money and Sparky will be living with his mother and downloading porn.  I guess I’m not that worried.
• It’s been snowing so much and up until yesterday I’ve been alone so much this place was starting to resemble the Overlook Hotel.
• All work and no play makes Jen a dull girl.
• All work and no play makes Jen a dull girl.
• All work and no play makes Jen a dull girl.

Asshole Cats and The Women Who Love Them – A Guide to Understanding the Men in Your Life.

Why is it when I’m trying to put Max down for a nap or for the night, that damn cat has to meow like his life depends on it?  Or  he purrs so loud that Max wakes up, smiling, ready to play with the damn cat and it takes me 30 more minutes of being a human pacifier to get him back down, but when I’m alone in the house, the damn cat is not to be found.

Why does he have to sleep in the exact spot on the pillow that my head is on.  Seriously, he lays across my face.

Why does he have to play mouse with my ponytail until my scalp bleeds because I can’t get that damn cat out of my hair.  Fuck, bring on the rabid bats.  Can’t hurt more than that damn cat’s claws that he will not let me clip without shredding the skin on my arms and legs.

Cats are assholes.

I’m uncomfortable with the implications of the similarities between my cat and my husband.

We’re Back

Well, wasn’t that a nice little vacation from blogging.

We got back from California last night after a 9 hour delay in SFO for mechanical reasons.  Max is asleep and I’m holding my own with thy cruel mistress jet lag.  I’m staying up, damn it.  I have gone rounds with Max for the last 9 months, I think I can take her this year.

My New Year’s resolution this year is to start really writing again.  And to get back to the gym.  And to wean Max and get him to a) sleep through the night and b) in his own bed.  I might need super mom Claire to come help me out.

I’ll write more a bit later, because lots has happened and I can actually write about most of it unlike the shit storm of November and December. I lost weight in Cali like I always do.  I don’t know how and I don’t know why, but I eat everything I want and I still end up in the negative.  Got to love it.  Max cut his first tooth and got his first ear infection and first antibiotics.  I lost my wallet and my old camera. Sparky did NOT work out, played Assassin’s Creed II and went to a gun show. I bought hooker boots then took them back when I realized that I didn’t like the way the red shinny pleather squeaked when it rubbed together and splurged on some way cool aviator sunglasses that make me feel like a movie star.  Mani/pedis with the SILs and Mim.  Shopping. Family dinners and breakfasts that Jennice, Jeff’s GF, would make because she wanted to and we’d just sit around and eat fabu food and talk.  A trip to a beach house in Capitola my dad rented. And oh so many people all the time that when we walked in our door last night, Max looked around for his many admirer’s only to find his Mom and Dad and two pissed off cats.

It’s good to be home and in my own space, but the idea of leaving the warmth and love of my family does leave me a bit bereft.  I need to get back to California and that my friends is another story for another day.

Until then here is a glimpse of my time out west. I only have a few unless by some miracle, my old camera is found.

I had better have another one soon…

because this kid, although not sleeping, gets too much love.  If i don’t have another one, he’ll be ruined.  His name says it all.  He’s the greatest.

Paparazzi

I’ll do an update when I can.  Patti shows up Wednesday. Until then…

Enough with the pictures, already, lady.

Seriously, I said enough.

Gimme that camera.

I feel like The Machinist but without all that great weight loss

I’ve been down the rabbit hole for a while now and I’m working on getting out. Things hit a very bad point last week after weeks of not sleeping plus all the other shit life can throw at you.  Max refuses to sleep, plain and simple. Sparky has been traveling or working so much that Max’s care rested solely on my shoulders and it finally caught up.

Me: I hate that the neighbors are playing that music so loud I can hear it through the three-foot brick walls.

Sparky:  Huh?

Me:  Don’t you hear that?  They play it just at that level that I can’t figure out what it is, just random music.

Sparky:  You hear it right now?

Me:  Yeah, I’ve been listening to it for the last week.  I think it’s the Belgians. The damn smoking Belgians.

Sparky, paying attention now: Huh.  Do you see shadows?

Me: I always see shadows. I think I just need a follow-up appointment from the Lasik.

Sparky:  OoooKaaaay.  You are getting sleep right now.  Jen, there isn’t any music.  The building is silent.

Me:  Shut up.  You can’t hear that?

Sparky: This is not good.  You are hallucinating.

Turns out, one needs sleep to function.  Sparky, being fully aware of how the brain functions, finally figured out that mine was not functioning the way it should. The next day he took Max and I slept for six hours straight. It was fabulous.  Then Max and I stayed up all night again and Sparky went back to work.

Do you see the problem?

We are working on the problem, but like with everything here, it’s a slow process.  It is in these moments I hate being here, I resent being in Krautland where I have no family and no immediate support system because my family is too far away.  It’s the worst part of being an expat.  I just need family to come over and take Max for a few hours so I can sleep.  Or to talk to me or to figure out that I’m slowly going mad from lack of sleep and utter isolation before the music starts playing in my head.

The day after that talk with Sparky I called my aunt.  She’ll be here December 1st. I just have to make it until then and she’ll be here and I can let go, without fear, for a few hours and finally fucking sleep.

We are interviewing nannies or babysitters or tagesmutters or whatever you call the lady that comes over two/three times a week to give me time. But again, that takes time.

Until then, I’m holding on.  Sparky is out-of-town again. Max is teething and vaccinations are tomorrow. I’m praying he sleeps for more than his usual 30 minute cycle tonight.  The good thing about vaccinations is that they make him tired.  He sleeps.  That’s the point I’ve gotten to, hoping vaccinations will make him tired enough so that I can get more than 30 minutes to 1 hour of sleep at a time.  Hoping that I can close my eyes long enough for them to stop burning before he wakes up again.

Just for the record, I have all the books from Dr. Sears to Ferber and all the books and theories in between. I’ve tried them all, but I can’t focus enough to get it right. He doesn’t co-sleep well, but he doesn’t sleep well in his crib.  He can’t self-soothe back to sleep and the one time I let him cry it out, he and I cried for three hours before I gave up. I just can’t figure it out in the state I’m in.  I just can’t do it alone.

Patti will be here in 2 weeks.  She calls me every day to tell me how many more days until she arrives.

That is what family is for.

Dave and Meghan

This is my brother David and his wife Meghan.It’s weird to call her his wife because we are still kids right? Except I’ve been married for 6 years and have a kid and just ordered a Christmas stocking that says Mom and not Jenny.

Anyway, I realized this year, e-mailing christmas plans between Meghan, Jennice and my sister that not only have we all grown up, my brothers are with fabu women.  Women who kick ass and take names and our family has grown up.

Meghan rocks.  She is one of the fiercest people I know. Loyal and fierce.  She works for Child Protective Services.  You definitely want her watching your back and you definitely do not want to piss her off.

She also has a wicked sense of humor.

Last year I realized that I was jealous of Meghan.  She took over as the reigning female, the one who kept everyone together, the center of our family. She brought David back into the fold for which we are all thankful because Dave rocks too.

But see, that used to be me until I moved 6000 miles away and it made me kind of sad. Then I was really happy.  The family is solid. She keeps them together and every year I go home and get to be a part of the family again without guilt.

Why do I bring this up?  Well, lately I’ve been more than a little homesick.  I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole (another post for another time) and I really need my family. I can’t wait to go home at the end of December and get everyone together for dinner.  I can’t wait to introduce Max to those who don’t know him yet.  I can’t wait for Max to have cousins and I can’t wait to be a part of something that great again.

Not only that, but i need a pedicure and there is nothing better than gossiping with Meghan while my toes are painted with the discontinued red that she hunted down for me.  Seriously, my sister-in-law rocks.

How lucky am I?

 

 

Happy Birthday, Dear Brother

You know, you were a pain in the ass when we were kids, but you grew up just fine.  I’m so proud to be your sister.

For your birthday, I’ve decided to give you a gift you never thought you’d get.

I hereby promise to never, ever bring up the scar on my shin again.  I’ll never bring up how you would kick me over and over with those damn cowboy boots until you killed the nerves in that particular place. Or how weird it still feels, 30 odd years later because I can’t feel it.

So there.  That was the end of it.  You can test me all you want, but I shall never bring it up again!

Thank you, Jeff, for being my best friend.  Thanks for being the one person I can tell everything to and know that you’ll not judge me, but rather trust me to know what I’m doing.  Thanks for being the home I can always count on.

Oh and thanks for being the kind of sibling that will require me to have another kid so Max has a shot at such a relationship.  Well, that is kind of a thanks. I wish that kid could just appear, weaned and sleeping through the night.

In the pictures below, you might notice a pretty lady.  Her name is Jennice and she is a very big part of Jeff’s current level of happiness.  She rocks.

Happy Birthday.

 

Don’t Be Scared, He’s a Good Monster

So the comp should  be picked up today.  We’ll see. THIS might be my last post for up to 30 days.

I’m so going to a Mac.  Sad.  I hate to make Sparky happy like that, but I can’t stand it any longer. and there is an iPhone in my future.  Just shut it, Tilman.  I don’t want to hear it!

In other news, we got a video baby monitor.  It’s fascinating.  It is supposed to let me relax and stop thinking every noise is my kid jumping out of his crib (he can’t do this yet) or tickling his feet while he sleeps to make sure he’s breathing.  Only, see, I can’t take my eyes off it.  It’s like the Roomba when we first got him.  I spent HOURS watching the damn vacuum vacuum.  Now I spend Max’s nap watching him on a video screen.

This morning Ollie found the camera.  That cat is such a camera whore.  any camera, anytime.  Whiskers and nose.  We’ll have to work with Olls and get him to understand that looking down at the camera adds ten pounds.

Oh and our water supply, you know, into our house, has been found to have a coliform bacteria.  All water must now be boiled until the new UV filter system is installed which should be soon… ish.  This is Germany after all. It only took a week to get the damn sink installation in the Kablooey room finished incorrectly.  Anther week for them to correct the mistake. And then another week to paint and get the worktops installed.  Two months for 10 square feet.  I’m not bitter.  Oh the glories of everyday life.

Above and beyond anything though, is that kid. Man, I just love him more and more everyday and thank my stars I get to stay at home with him. Thanks for that, Sparks. Thanks for supporting us so I can stay home.  And thanks for not expecting me to cook.  I might go a little batty talking to a 6 month old all the time.  I might need a break around 6 pm, but I never get tired of being with him. He will need a sibling so I don’t spoil the perfect being he is right this minute. But we can wait on that one for a while.

Adios, amigos.

Ollie stop licking Max’s head…