You are currently browsing the monthly archive for September, 2007.
Next time I complain about my life as a woman of independent means, kick my ass.
I had forgotten the joys of working yes, but in my personal belief system, there is a price for everything, the joy is tempered with the pain-in-the-ass problems of the working world.
I forgot that politics are exhausting. I forgot my astroglide. I had forgotten what its like to walk around with a ball of anxiety in the pit of my stomach for most of the day and all of the night. I had forgotten the feelings of inadequacy and failure that are simply a part of my personality; traits that push me forward, bite back needing sustenance.
I am very lucky in my current circumstance.
The good news? I found the local Starbucks and am now the proud owner of a large enough coffee mug.
Last mention of cats for a while lest I live up to the cat lady moniker Megan has warned me of.
But, I have to say, another great thing about Krautland is the cost of vets.
Scrunchy was really, really sick last week. At one point we had to rush him to the emergency clinic because he couldn’t breathe. It was a scoop up and go kind of thing that had me in a panic for the whole 10 minute drive. The emergency vet was stupid and lame, but by the time he told me Scrunchy wasn’t dying but was “what Ami’s call reverse sneezing…” (WTF?), our regular vet had arrived back at her office.
He had a very serious lung infection. We could hear him struggling to breathe type of lung infection. It required constant vigilance to make sure he could continue to breathe. It took constant supervision to make sure Ollie didn’t jump on his head and it took daily visits to our vet for antibiotic shots. She needed to make sure his lung function was improving because his mouth turned blue on occasion and that, my friends, is not good.
So, five vet visits, one on a Saturday when she wasn’t officially open and one including little Ollie to make sure he could breathe as it was his cold Scrunchy caught. Guess how much the vet bill was?
Nope. Not even close.
It’s 85 euro. In total. For five visits plus shots, plus another cat examination.
Sparky said that this was simply too expensive and we should put the cats down. I mean really, its almost as much as our phone bill and certainly less then we spend in gas for a week. Damn those cats. I might not be able to afford those Manolos I can’t walk in. (Please refer to the comments section of this post to understand the joke, if I lost you.)
Seriously, last Christmas we took a friend’s cat to the vet in California and the initial visit, to just walk in the room was $74.00. They wanted to do an ultrasound. The ultrasound cost more than the ultrasounds I get and let me tell you, my ultrasounds are far more personal than cat belly.
Scrunchy is on the mend and Ollie has been scheduled for the uh-huh of his huh-uh. We are careful not to mention this in front of him. We’re considerate like that.
I get to go back to work next week and I cannot wait. I wish I could blog about it, but there is a certain someone who reads this blog (I’m talking to you, Christian - quit reading this and go back to work) and it would not be good. Suffice it to say, if I’m not royally pissed off by some numbskull maneuver, I’m enjoying the hell out of fixing it.
All three cats are in this picture. And if you know Sparky and the TV furniture you can gauge his love for a certain black cat. The only things allowed to touch that piece are the dusting cloth and Kiska.
My pirate name is:
Dread Pirate Vane
Like the famous Dread Pirate Roberts, you have a keen head for how to make a profit. You tend to blend into the background occaisionally, but that’s okay, because it’s much easier to sneak up on people and disembowel them that way. Arr!
Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network
Question:
Does Sally Fields comment really actually offend anyone? Really? What part of it was offensive?
Isn’t the censoring the “goddamn” and the end of her statement more offensive?
I started to read the comments on this article and I was blown away by the sheer ignorance of a good 500 people.
This is my first foray into the world of comments. Sparky does it all the time.
Never again.
People are stupid.
I had to pull myself off the thread because people took one issue and made it into a free for all with topics from “Iraq/Saddam caused 9/11″ to abortion and how women make lousy leaders because they abort. It drives me insane. Really and truly insane.
How many times a day do I have to defend America because of people like this. Granted there are many dumb asses in the world, like one of Sparky’s friends who thought this site was real.
After reading and commenting on that article, my faith in the American people has hit a new low.
I’m practicing in this life so I can wear heels in the next.
Tell me this isn’t a cute shoe. 
And on sale. I’m saving 50%. As my GBF says, its practically free.
I’m sure there will soon be a post about broken ankles.
A sick kitty keeps me home this week. Scrunchy is a very sick little kitty. His preferred sleeping arrangement is on me, which ever part is available. And because he’s so sick, it’s hard for me to say no. He’s asleep on my lap as I type. All 16 pounds.
Ollie has discovered gravity and continues his experiments with any high value item he can find, like my camera. He has also figured out that if he swipes my glasses off with one paw, he has access to my eyes with his other paw. He’s a smart little bugger.
Working from home is a mixed thing. I like sleeping in my own bed and being with the kitties and scheduling a breakfast with Tat and a hair appointment for later in the week and not having to live out of a suitcase. I like kitten licks waking me up as opposed to a ringing phone across the room, but…
I’ve lost 5 kilos in two weeks working in an office. The coffee and cigarettes diet is my preferred method for losing weight. Add a lot of walking and flights of stairs as an exercise routine (regime) and you have a happy girl. Ten more kilos and I’m heading to the plastic surgeon and let me tell you, I can hardly wait. Did you know you can lift EVERYTHING? I’ll have one of everything, please.
I like seeing people I like every day.
I like having decent coffee any time I want it.
I like travelling even though it’s exhausting.
I like the sense of independence I get. I haven’t had it in a long time and it’s like putting on a favourite cashmere sweater.
I like that my German is improving.
I like how distance makes Sparky and I closer when we’re together.
I like not having to scoop the poop.
I like being able to justify a new pair of shoes.
I like not having to clean the house or cook.
Hmm. I think I see a change coming.
Yesterday in the doctors office, I finally came to the realization that I really shouldn’t have kids.
Not only is my body not cooperating, I wanted to smother a 6-month-old who would not stop crying and lock the 10-year-old doing homework really loudly in a car. He made noises holding his pencil.
Really.
I was unreasonably angry at those kids and their mothers who didn’t put a stop to it. I know, its impossible to stop a baby from crying if that is what he is wont to do, but a pillow might have worked.
I might have been overly cranky because I had been waiting for four hours.
I might have been overly cranky because I haven’t had a full night of sleep in over a week.
So, yes, I was/am tired and cranky, but I have had more sleep than I would as a mother. I realized that I would be that cranky kind of mom, always tired and pissed off. Sparky would be running around cleaning hand prints off of shiny surfaces and I would be yelling at Sparky with ear plugs in and popping benzodiazipines like House and Vicodin.
Tat stopped by last night. We were an emergency stop on her way home. She needed to heat a bottle because sweet Pebbles would not stop crying in the car. That was no problem for me at all. I love that she stopped by.
What I realized was that it was after nine and my house was silent except for the wheezing of a very sick cat. Her car was filled with three kids, one of which was unreasonably loud. Loud enough to warrant an emergency drive by. A kid that defied reasonable expectations because she’s like, not even two, and you can’t reason with a two year old. I know that little girl. I love that little girl. She is so sweet and adorable, but when she is in a mood… Man.
I like kids. I think I understand kids. I like the idea raising kids, but am probably more prepared to mother in a Raising Cain sort of way than a soccer mom sort of way.
I have wanted kids. I wanted two or three because I have such a good relationship with my siblings, I wanted to pass that on. But that has all been theory, really. In theory it sounds like a good idea, but the reality is that the older I get, the less I’m equipped to handle it, not the other way around. Currently, I’m equipped to realize just how insane it is. I was raised in chaos. I can function in chaos, but the more I live in calm, the less I want to set myself up for chaos again. I like the quiet.
My aunt asked me the other day what was going on with the baby making. I’ve been married long enough, been with Sparky long enough and I’m getting a little long in the tooth.
I responded by telling her we just acquired a new kitten. I think she finally understood.
A phone call from Sparky tonight.
Sparky: Hi babe. I forgot to call you from home so I’m calling you from the gym.
Jen: That’s nice, but why? I wasn’t expecting one.
Sparky: Because I wanted to tell you something before I forgot.
Jen: What is it?
Sparky: I love you.
Jen: Awww. That’s so sweet, but you didn’t have to call me from the gym. I know you do. I love you too.
Sparky: That’s not the real reason I called.
Jen: Okay…
Sparky: The cat’s butt stinks. He sat on my desk today and all I smelled was cat butt. And it stinks. And I just didn’t want you to be surprised when you come home by stinky cat butt.
Jen: That’s it? That’s what you had to tell me? Cat Butt? You called me from the gym to warn me of cat butt?
Sparky: Yes. And that you have to clean it when you get home. I’m working out with Marc and the guys so I gotta go now. Love you.
Dial tone.
Nice. 
I love my work. Love, love, LOVE it. I’m working with some great people and I’m problem solving and really, what co-dependant doesn’t love a good problem solving job.It requires a LOT of strategic thinking, a lot of coordination and management cooperation and no math.
I ‘ve been having one particular problem that is possibly insurmountable. I have to overcome this issue to succeed on this particular project. I have a lot of people depending on the success of this project so I can’t just nuke the problem. Nuking the problem would make me feel a lot better, but would devastate the surrounding area. Nukes are never a good idea, right? Right?
So what does my favorite Kraut do? He’s in Stuttgart and I’m in Hamburg.
He sends me a message via Fleurop. The card reads “They won’t tread on you.” The graphics department drew a snake next to it.
American in the Haus.
Thank you for die blumen and the reminder, tschazi.
They’re gorgeous.
First of all, I would like to thank the makers of all polished slippery floors. If not for you, I would have 10,000,000 less embarrassing stories, like falling on my ass in the Frankfurt airport last night. If not for the makers of highly polished marble, my left ankle might actually be the same size as my right.
The fall wouldn’t have been so bad if I didn’t ALWAYS do the Fall Dance in an attempt to stop said tumble. Arms flail, knees bend backwards as ankles fall in. Even though I can’t see my face, I hear the Fall Dance face is a mixture of terror, resignation and oh shit not again disbelief. I was 9 when I learned to protect my face. Nine and two broken front teeth.
When I am queen, and that day is coming soon, all public places that require lots of walking will have floors that have a little grit to them.
Tat and I were talking a few weeks back about embarrassing stories. I have so many that at this point, I’m an old hand. I no longer burn with embarrassment, but rather shrug and see the humour because frankly, it has been worse. And in most cases it is funny. If I can laugh then it wasn’t a total waste and if it’s funny, I can add it to my repertoire of stories.
Tat has one embarrassing story.
One.
I was trying to figure out why I have so many. I’m clumsy by nature so that explains the falling. I’ve never been able to wear cute heels with any sort of success. The joke (with more than a little truth) is that with heels I can walk the five feet from the closet to the bed and that’s it. Knowing this, I tend to wear flats or loafers or flip flops. Flip flops are tricky though. I can fall in flip flops pretty easily. It’s the flip part of the flop that gets me.
I’ve categorized my experiences to try to find a pattern.
Falling: Publicly – without the benefit of alcohol. I have only one fall of record that included alcohol and that was due more to the raccoon than the vodka.
Wardrobe Malfunctions:
Regarding Underwear: On display w/o knowledge;
Sub Cat: The Underwire’s Revenge.
Hosiery: When hosiery walks the walk…w/o me
The rest of the outfit
Sexual: Solo, Not Solo
Dating: Clothes on. (Clothes off, see above.)
Business: Including meetings, email mishaps, and coffee
Medical: Uh, usually this includes one of the above and the subsequent explanation
Then we have locations which work as adjectives in the sentance of my embarassment creating a situation that privately, wouldn’t be noteworthy.
Cars, School, Shopping Centres, Banks, Work, Apartment Complexes, Busy Streets, Hospitals, Telephones, The Supreme Court Building, Stairs, Graduation Ceremonies
I’ve excluded home, family and friends houses. If we are friends, it doesn’t count, goes with the territory. My brother and sister are excluded from family because they are merciless in their subsequent teasing.
The only thing I can pinpoint as a cause is me and my inability to pay attention and since that cannot be true, I will blame Ironus*.
Surely, I am not alone. Please tell me you have had more than ONE embarrassing story. In fact, let’s make this a meme. Write a post about an embarassing situation, leave me a comment with the link and I’ll give you one of mine. You can choose your catagory.
*Ironus is the god of irony
Picture is by Sam Brown, explodingdog.com
So, it turns out Sparky missed out on a big part of what I consider teenage angst. Other than the angst part. (Sparky was a pretty happy kid, teen and adult. It could have been better if he had gotten laid at 13, but barring the opposite sex thing, he was oddly happy.)
He totally bypassed Pink Floyd.
I, on the other hand, spent years blasting The Wall, The Final Cut, Animals etc… through the speakers of any music playing aparatus I could find. Sixteen through the summer I turned 18 was spent in period of “Not Now John” (my step-dad’s name, coincidentally, is John) and “Comfortably Numb”. Add V.C. Andrews and a little cutting and you have a good idea of what I was like as a teen. Dramatic and tortured.
What was he doing when he should have been listening to tortured soul music? He was playing Dungeons and Dragons and wondering why girls were interested in older guys when he was more than ready to attempt pro-creation. He was making art projects out of moldy milk cartons and writing disturbing poetry. And picking flowers and thinking that the world was a beautiful place. He was running through fields with his mullet flowing in the wind.
Back to Floyd.
The Wall is not background music. You have to sit there and experience the music and the lyrics as they were intended. Sparky isn’t a big lyrics guy. He doesn’t really care about them, just the melody. So why he bought Pink Floyd is beyond me.
My first response to The Wall being ordered was “Oh God. NO. I can’t hear that again.” Sparky, however, never having the benefit of Pink Floyd’s particular brand of agony, insisted.
At this moment, the second disc is playing and he’s researching new Apple products. He totally missed the first disc. I’ve tried to explain what’s happening, what Pink is experiencing and how the songs take you on a journey and he’s like ” Uh, yeah, cool. Did you know the new Ipod touch had 22 hours of listening battery life.”
WTF? Did you miss the whole Goodbye Blue Sky thing? Look Mummy, there’s an Airplane up in the sky. Did you catch that? I use that phrase all the time.
Yep, he missed it. Nope he didn’t catch it.
He has now moved on to Muscular Development with “Comfortably Numb” on in the background. I got a “Sehr Geil.”
Dude, this is what happens when you have a happy childhood.
The evidence before the court is
Incontrivertable, there’s no need for
The jury to retire.
In all my years of judging
I have never heard before
Of someone more deserving
Of the full penaltie of law.
The way you made them suffer,
Your exquisite wife and mother,
Fills me with the urge to defecate!
I don’t have to make own coffee.
Seriously, I had forgotten how much fun work can actually be. I like my job, I like the people, I like being in Hamburg. I pretty much like it all.
Sparky likes it because I’m focusing on changing an organization and not him. He like how I can complain about the psychological aspects of certain things and its not about him. He likes that I work with people all day and any frustration I have isn’t caused by him.
And he likes how he has proven that flying takes just as much, if not more time than taking the train. Fuck.
I hate the train and I like to fly. Flying is actually cheaper in terms of euros if we don’t look at global warming issues or dying polar bears. I hate thinking about dying polar bears. They are the leading cause of my efforts in recycling and cutting down on gas and all that other green stuff. Sparky just has to mention that one more needless trip to Ikea and a baby polar bear is orphaned and its over.
We are getting a new car soon. Either a Hybrid or a diesel. We’re still in the research phase but so far, its looking like the BMW 1 series. it seems to have a lot of bang for the buck. I was looking at an SUV hybrid, but as we don’t have kids, there is absolutely no reason for it, except that I like to sit high above people. It helps me feel more in control and superior. Sparky says I need to control things like I need another cat and that I already have a superiority complex over the German people, no need to add to my arsenal of animosity on the road.
Humph. Yeah, well, it’s his car, so what do I care. And it helps save the polar bears.
Anyway, I’m home, I’m tired and I’m pretty happy with how the week went. I travel solo next week, so that should be interesting. I have a lunch appointment with a fellow expat on Wednesday. If anyone else in the area, let me know and come join the fun.
