I’m off to Cali in moments. I put together a little post to let you all know what my dear straw window of a husband will do while I’m gone. After weeks of asking, he finally spilled the beans…
He said he wanted nine hookers and a ton of cocaine. He said he thought it’d be cool if he could do some blow while, you know, doing some blow. Being the good wife that I am, I told him I thought it was a great idea, make it so. Sparky’s Advenutures thus began.
He planned ahead and ordered some cocaine. Unfortunately, it was confiscated at the border.
He’ll have to make do with Scientology Protein Powder. Sparky works hard at being glib.
He’ll need those manly muscles to sway the Slim Lady away from Olivier. He had his people call her people.
Unfortunately, Kylie is busy and not at all interested. She’s catholic, you know. Scientology isn’t really her thing. He tried to get Paris Hilton, thinking he could star in her next homemade porn. He’d already titled it in his head “That’s Hottt!!!”.
Sadly, her pimp said she was busy blowing Nick Lachey. Sparky has always wanted to be Nick Lachey.
As beggars can’t be choosers, he’ll end up with Germany’s version of Jersey girls. Jersey girls take it to the next level.
As all men know, the same nine girls get boring after a while. Men need variety. And Sparky is nothing if not a Man’s Man. He’ll end up playing those games that men play when wives are away…
Eventually, he’ll get bored with that too. I’m mean, really, I’ll be gone for 3 weeks. In that time, I expect he’ll return to his first love. The seductive mistress who was always there for him as a teenager when girls, alas, were not.
Throughout it all the fun and excitement, the protien powder and hookers, through the gay gangbangs and RPG’s, Sparky has a task, a difficult task, that will have to be kept up with while I’m away. What is that, you ask? Why…
Back to business: My brother will be posting once in a while to give you a different perspective on our family. I’ll update sporadically. Mostly pictures of, you know, Tiffany’s and Nordstroms and the Hello Kitty store. It’s the only way I can keep Markus updated as to where all our money is going without all the screaming.
Au Revoir, les chatons! Or rather Tschüss, mein Schätze.