Regular readers and just-arrived smut fiends: I present Kylie’s ass(*Guest Posting by Sparky*)

Did Jen ever tell you guys that I’m a numbers whore?

As somebody far more left-brained than my beloved, creative, Wicca-prone spouse, I need the certainty of scientific measurement to feel good about any endeavor I partake in. Or that my wife partakes in, for that matter. Consequently, I always check Heisse Scheisse’s traffic statistics and devise all kinds of devious plots to increase the number of readers.

Why I do that? Simple: As many people as possible should be exposed to Heisse Scheisse. After all, this Blog is, when at its best, the funniest shit since Terry Gilliam asked “Anyone for Tennis?” in that Monty Python’s Flying Circus skit where every guest of a happy summer party loses their arms and legs in an odd chain reaction of blood and gore. Well, maybe the one with Mrs. Nigger-Baiter and the exploding penguin on the TV set was even better. But I digress.

The real reason why I want to drive traffic to Heisse Scheisse is, of course, that I want to be able to brag about my wife . “She’s a shrewish and persuade person…” sounds a lot better as soon as I can add “…and she’s got the funniest and most-read Blog in Darmstadt”.

After reading yesterday’s comments and promising Haddock to show a couple of Screenshots from the Ultimate Kylie DVD, I got an inspiration: Why not try to drive the numbers up a bit while I’m at it? The subject of “Ultimate Kylie CD screenshots” certainly lends itself to such lofty goals.

So here we go with the Kylie pictures, first batch from the “Spinning around” video. I restrict this to fifteen pictures for now, so you lechers who have come here from search engines and viral marketing (see below) will have more to look forward to during the next two weeks. Unless Jen comes back screaming and kicks me off her Blog.

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Starting with a gift to our friends, the feet fetishists with a foot fetish… eh… feet fetish.

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Apples in motion. Wish you guys could see the moving pictures.

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If there is Air Guitar, is there also Air Bike? Also, check out the guy who has just noticed the camera.

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A frame-by-frame-study of proper back-arching (1)

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A frame-by-frame-study of proper back-arching (2)

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A frame-by-frame-study of proper back-arching (3)

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A frame-by-frame-study of proper back-arching (4)

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A frame-by-frame-study of proper back-arching (5)

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A frame-by-frame-study of proper back-arching (6)

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A frame-by-frame-study of proper back-arching (7)

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A frame-by-frame-study of proper back-arching (8)

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Hot Pants, worn properly (1)

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Hot Pants, worn properly (2)

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Fellow athletes, consider the subtle arch of the quadriceps shown here!

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Subtle arches in many other places, too…

Let’s add a few keywords that have more or less nothing to do with the above pictures, but are certainly practical to get some good Google-Referrers: Kylie Minogue ass. Kylie Minogue butt. Kylie Minogue bum. Kylie Minogue legs. Kylie screenshots. Ultimate Kylie DVD grabs. Kylie upskirt. Kylie no panties. Kylie Hot pants. Kylie pussy. Kylie gangbang sex. Kylie forbidden porn. Kylie hi-res images. Kylie high resolution. Kylie nude. Kylie naked. Kylie spinning around pictures. Free Kylie picture download. Free Kylie pictures. Freeones.

So, in closing, fellow smut fiends… now that I have gotten you onto this site, I hope many of you are multifaceted enough to stay and appreciate the humor in the other articles. Admittedly, it is not as good as Kylie’s ass, but then again, what else on this planet is? Babies, I hear? A mother’s love maybe? Sunrise over San Francisco Bay? Nahhh…

Also, since I am a Viral Marketer by trade, feel free to download the pictures and post them on your own websites, topical forums or anywhere else you like. It’s part of the scheme. I believe that this should be perfectly legal under the fair use act, since this Blog hawks nothing that is sold for profit. However, if we hereby HAVE violated any copyrights, please, offended party, send us a friendly Email and we will, to the utter disappointment of all our salivating new readers, remove any offending material from Heisse Scheisse. Of course, a letter from Ms. Minogue herself would be much preferred, even if she just wants to express anger over having her cute butt shamelessly exploited to drive up the traffic of a relatively obscure Blog. I’m sure I can appease her with my special talents and wining charms.

Did my wife ever tell you guys that I’m a narcissist with rather overblown self-esteem ;)?

Also, Ms. Minogues marketers should have no reason to complain. The material presented here will substantially increase the sales of her DVD (which you can order here). After all, we have around 50 regular readers, most of them women :).

BTW: Look forward, constant readers, to my report on how much this little stunt drove up visitor numbers. First results should be in by Monday, and my guess is that traffic will at least quadruple.

Stay tuned, return early, return often!

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12 thoughts on “Regular readers and just-arrived smut fiends: I present Kylie’s ass(*Guest Posting by Sparky*)

  1. LOL uh huh and here we all thought that you were going to be keeping a low profile with all that coke and all those hookers Jen said you had requested.

    I should just do what you do to increase my readership- plaster lots and lots of booty shakin’ all over the blog.

    You’re inspirational!

    ..belinda

  2. OH MY God! Markus? I bet that post took you ages to write, what with all the distractions.

    you are too much!

  3. @belinda:
    Maybe you want to wait with the copycatting till you see the results – I will be able to tell by Monday or Tuesday if the scheme worked and the “virals” are taking off. Let’s see.
    Otherwise: Glad to be a source of inspiration for you :).

    @my love:
    What distractions :D?

  4. Hahahahaha, Your just as crazy as your wife. To be fly on the wall during some of your conversations! I’m a hooked reader.

  5. @Dorion:
    Nice Blog you have over there… we are both inot photography, too. Hope you liked, the pictures in this entry – after all, William Baker (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Baker) is no beginner ;).

    @anonymous:
    Glad to hear that! Keep on doing it and recommend it to all your friends. You’ll make this stat whore here VERY happy.

  6. Hey Markus, that photo series inspired me: next time – when you’re stuck within a traffic jam – of course in your oldschool Pimp Mercedes Cabriolet – please incidentially start to move like Kylie! You have to move it like her, like a hot, wet kitten, just overcome by it’s hornyness! woooha! Then – if you’ve thrown your clothes away, just step out of your car and TANZZZZZZZZ!!!! This is not a proposal, that’s an _GERMAN_ order!

  7. You tell that you have much >>self-esteem<< - That means, translated into German, that you have much DRUCK AUF'M KESSEL?

  8. @fritz:
    I will TANZ, as I often do, especially when i hear your orders echoing in my head! Admittedly, they don’t make me wet (and WHERE would I be?), but they always make me think of http://www.tbwg.de

    @powermonger:
    No. It means I think I can sway and schmooze every woman, when I’m more likely to get laughed at and a slap in the face. I tend to forget those incidents quickly, though. Talking about it reminds me of the time when that old lady hit me over the head with her handbag, though. True story. She was quite crazy. Why would you hit a good-looking, nice young gentleman like me?

    – sparky

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