Wonder Woman is not Aquaman

So I have a problem.

I want to be Wonder Woman and the Wonder Twins won’t let me. They told me I could be Aquaman or L-Ron, but I don’t get to be Wonder Woman.

See, this started in Aug. Since they look the most alike with their red hair and pale/pinkish skin and blue eyes (think feeder mouse babies), they became the Wonder Twins. Then I got Fin and he’s orange and white so he became their mascot.

In that vein, I tried to be Jean Gray, but since she’s not a part of the Justice League it got nixed. That’s when Miranda suggested Aquaman.

Why Aquaman? Because he’s the suckiest of all the Justice League superheroes, because he can only talk to sea animals and move waves.

Since they handed down the decision (Don’t ask why do they get to make that decision, I’m still fighting it) every conversation is riddled with Superhero talk.

I called one morning specifically to wake Jeff and when he answered I yelled into the phone “WONDERWOMAN” and hung up.

The next day, I got a phone call. “AQUAMAN!!!” and a hang up.

So what would convince them that I am in fact Wonder Woman to their Wonder Twin?

Well, how about at the age of five, I had Wonder Woman UnderRoos resulting in a full-on Wonder Woman Halloween costume that won Mrs. Powell’s 1977 kindergarten costume contest, beating out Lisa Hansen’s Minnie Mouse hands down?

How about I was alive when WonderWoman came out on TV?

How about:
I’m the first feminist of the family.
I’m actually Royalty (my real family will find me some day)
I’m the best in the family with a Lasso.
I’m an experienced Golden Cuff user.
I have the gift of flight (Lufthansa)
I briefly dated many men who considered themselves Superman
I am an emissary for peace

Well, I might need to work on that last one, but who do they call when they have a battle to be fought? Wonder wo-maaan. Who do they call when they get in a jam? Wonder wo-maaan.

Not only that, but the ghetto blaster in the sky constantly plays music while I hunt down and disable the bad guys, when I save kittens and when I teach my fellow man to live in peace and harmony with each other.

I AM WonderWoman, so kiss my tushie, Twins.


8 thoughts on “Wonder Woman is not Aquaman

  1. Reasons you are not wonder woman:
    1. The wonder twins and their mascot are as much wonder as one family can handle.
    2. Wonder Woman is a brunette and even if you actually are you have denied it for so many years it puts shame to the wonder woman name.
    3. Peace? Ha your goal is always to create chaos and destruction, we were being nice even alowing you to be aquaman because in actuality you are no hero but a lowly villain like dr. doom but not the original the lame version played by the guy from nip/tuck.
    4.Just because you are the most experienced with S&M doesn’t count as you being good with a lasso and cuffs.
    5. Lastly, check out wonder womans boots. You could two steps with out ending up flat on your face don’t even try to deny it.

  2. We do not appreciate you impersonating one of our most valued members. If such claims continue you will he from our “lawyers” but they will be bringing much more than a subpeona.

  3. I keep the peace anyway I can. Someimes it requires more uh… finesse.

    For someone who takes the form of water more often than not, I’d take a step back. You wouldn’t want me to get a mop or anything.

    I am totally Wonder woman.

  4. Your twin siblings make a much more persuasive argument. Sorry, but after evaluating both sides I feel as though wonder woman doesn’t fit you.

  5. Hi Mim, I mean KAT, I am so wonder woman. Who do the twins call constantly to save their little butts from family affairs? who runs interference? Who gladly stands up for and passionatly protects the sweet twins from neighborhood bullies and rogue girl scout cookie cartels.

    I mean really, i guess i could be called “call when you get in a jam Woman” but i think Wonder woman is way more poetic.

    Fine. I’ll find a villian to be, but just be prepared fo the fall out twins.

    And remember, i have your Mascot.

    hahahahhahahahahahahahhhhaaaaaaaa (hear maniacal laughter)

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