NaNoWriMo is over for me. I have only 4000 words and its week three. Shit.
I did 8 hours of German homework last night AFTER 4 hours of school. At 9:00 pm, still not understanding dative and accusative, I threw my German grammar books across the room and fled to the bedroom screaming. After 10 minutes of frustration-induced tears, I brushed my teeth and declared the day over. I swore to a very quiet Sparky I was not going to go back to school. Ever. Never ever. Ich war fit und fertig.
(BerlinCologneBound: Don’t worry, I’m just a complete dolt when it comes to foreign languages. I’m positive it will be easier for you.)
Asleep by 10 pm. Woven into my dreams, German pronouns biting my feet and licking my face. At 1am, whiskers entered my nostrils. How do I know it was 1 am? Something about cat whiskers up the nose. I could be in a coma, enter the whisker and voila… a miracle. The glow from the alarm clock kept me awake for another hour. Sparky got up for a protein shake or a potty break a bit later. An hour or so after that, Fin and Cleo decided to scratch the glass door and the walls and my pillow looking for a bit of down upon which to rest her little cat head. God damned cats.
Up and out the door at 6 am. Coffee was cranky and bitter in my mouth, the terrible-only-in-an-emergency brand that no amount of sugar or milk can hide. I took Sparky to the train station. I swear I saw him smile as he quickly got out of the car, relieved for a day away. I was at school when the doors opened. Signed up for a private lesson with one of my teachers. I have the GKII test next week and if I fail, I have to re-take GKII. I guess it wouldn’t be so bad, since I’m so lost, but I would hate to be in the class with that poser American?-I-am-Frenchman-oui-oui-wanker. And I really hate failing at anything. Even mini-golf.
My inner world is a whirling mass of anxiety mixed with competition, a dab of (justified) hypochondria, and just a pinch of aggression. Just be glad you’re not privy to my inner dialogue. It’s not pretty in here.
Class wasn’t so bad today. I got a few things right and the teacher who will tutor me for an exorbitant 70€ assured me I was not alone and that I understood more than I thought I did. She swore up and down I would be prepared for the test next week. For 70€, I certainly hope so. I just want to be better then the Somali lady. Ester speaks five languages. I don’t need to be better than Ester. And 70€ is way less expensive than a divorce and if I don’t learn German, I’m gonna have to move.
As for the kitten, well, in a few minutes I take him for the old snip-snip. This has been planned. Its not like I woke up all pissy and decided to take the logical next step. I hope it calms him down. He knows something is happening. Since I got home from school, he’s been nothing but that lovable kitten I brought home from America.