Miss Nomer

I have a test tomorrow. I’m totally burned out on the deutsch sprach. I’ll study in a minute, get off my back, Sheesh… Sorry, the superego has been a bit problematic.

So I was talking to Mim on Monday. She and Jeff have decided to call me Runt. And they are not trying to be ironic. Runt. Uh, have you met me? They decided this was a good name as I am the shortest of the siblings. The shortest being me at 5”9’.

According to Dictionary.com, a runt is:
1. An undersized animal, especially the smallest animal of a litter.
2. Offensive. A short person.

Okay, actually, I lost my height in a bet with Chevy Valentine years ago. We lived in the same building for a while. One afternoon, after what I am sure was too many vodka/cran-grape cocktails, we made a bet. If she lost, I got something trivial, I can’t remember. If I lost, she got to say she was 5”9’ and I had to say I was 5”6’. She was right and forever more she is 5”9’ and I’m 5”6’. So if you ask, I have to say I’m 5”6’.

That notwithstanding, I am mere millimeters shorter than my sister. She’s 5”10’. Jeff is 6’2”. We are not small people. I’m not even going to touch the weight factor except to say that I am a runt like Biggie was Small.

Miranda went on to say that mom must have saved all the good food for she and Jeff because how else could one explain my shortness in comparison. She said I must have been malnourished. Its true, when I was a child, my mom was more gypsy than Stepford, but I maintain that SpaghettiO’s have a ton of vitamins. Granted it wasn’t the smoked salmon and capers on which Princess Poopy Pants dined, but this does not a runt make.

So it told her no. Runt was not a nickname to which I would respond. I don’t have a nickname. I’ve always wanted one. I tried Jax for a while, but that was really only good for making reservations and ordering coffee at Peet’s. My GBF used it because he loves me and indulged my need for a cool nickname. Several guys I uh… dated might have used that name but they might not have known any other. Therefore, it didn’t stick. With nicknames, it’s all about the stick factor.

My cousin Emily christened Sparky. She called him Sparky after an intense political e-mail the two were trading. Then my aunt picked up on it, then I did and now everyone in my family calls him Sparky. It had the stick factor.

Miranda was originally called Mimi. It was her first word. Then we called her Screaming Mimi as was her wont when things did not go her way. It got traded in for Mim after a Disney character, Mad Madame Mim. Miranda was not always the happiest little 2 year old.

And of course, along the way she might have been called things like toad or nut butt or pumpkinschnaatz. The last was said very lovingly. Only Mim had the stick factor.

Jeff is Yerffej. Earfedge Phonetically. That kinda stuck, but not so much. He’s mostly Jeffy or Jeffrey. So he doesn’t have a nickname either. But its not like I’m calling him S’ghetti arms or anything. I could, but it doesn’t have the stick factor.

The reason I’m worrying about Runt? Its sticky.


7 thoughts on “Miss Nomer

  1. JEnnifer my you know you are not 5’9″. You know youre shorter than i am and i am 5’9″ on the nose jeff knows at most you are 5’8 mabey withan extra quarter or half inch i love you little runty one

  2. You COULD call Jeff “Spiderman” or “Spidey”. I think Spidey has “sticky” written all over it.

  3. jeff does not get to be called spidey because of his skinny arms. Spidey is cool AND a superhero. Ixnay on the pideysay.

  4. HAHAHA not even 5’9 for real! Actually, Mim, at the time of the contest we measured.

    The bet all came out of the fact that I really did think I was 5’9 and that Jen was shorter than me. But as it turned out. I was way off.

  5. One good adhesive for nicknames is a strong hatred from its owner. This my “smallest animal out of the liter” sister is the reason why runt is going to stick, that and the fact that Mim and I will NOT let id die. Maybe we can come up with some sort of spint off like say, “Runty”, or “Grunt Runt”, or
    “Runtelstilskin”, or maybe “I used to date a cockroach named
    Tony who was also a runt Runt”. Let me know if you like any of these and we’ll see what we can do.

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