Upfront and Personal

I was laying back, hands clenched on my stomach. The scent of his aftershave was oddly soothing. He kinda reminded me of an old boyfriend. I explained my hard limits and soft limits. I find it best, in these situations, if we all know the score. Sparky was there to make sure I communicated correctly and that we understood each other. I looked up into his speckled brown eyes, searching for a clue to gauge where the relationship was going. As it turns out, it was going all the way, baby. We’re talking long term.

“Do you feel any pain?”

“No. Do you want me to?” I mumbled, mouth full of cotton.

“Well, I just drilled into the root area. I’m sorry. You will most definitely need root canal.”

I’ve had a bit of tooth pain for the last few months. At first it was just seeds that bothered me. Then it was all chewing. I switched to the other side of my mouth. When it finally reached that constant dull throbbing, I knew I was in trouble and I knew I was going to have to find a dentist.

My experience has not been good with dentists. I had a Russian dentist who did not believe in Novocain. I did a really great imitation of a David Copperfield levitation act during that appointment. Painful does not accurately describe the sensation. And that whole idea that you cannot pass out from tooth torture is absolutely true.

Old Shaky hands completely missed one of four canals, which lead to another appointment with another dentist a few years later. When a dentist shakes his head and say F**K while examining you, it is not a good sign. This dentist was very kind and prescribed Valium before every visit, even cleanings. He said it was preferable to my constant twitching, jerking and the occasional bite.

Now, I’ve had some iffy experiences with regular doctors here in Deutschland. You can imagine my anxiety level whilst contemplating European dentistry.

Well, this guy came recommended by our friend, The Dentist. And it was a good recommendation. I felt no pain at the time. Now my gums are sore as all hell. However, I did not feel one drill bit. His hands were steady and he gave me a script for something that is supposed to calm me before the next appointment next week. Good Man!!

There was a moment of levity when I asked for a bite guard. I have a very bad tendency to bite dentists (I’m not exactly a gold-star patient). I was told that I didn’t need a bite guard; I just needed to open my mouth wide. I explained that my mouth is rather small and doesn’t open up all that wide. A point to which Sparky vocally attested to and agreed. Nice…

I have another invasive doctor appointment this evening because the dentist just wasn’t enough. After that, Sparky and I are headed for Berlin. He has a business meeting tomorrow and we’re taking an extra day as a Valentine’s Day mini-break.

A man nudges his wife before bed, feeling a bit amorous and asks, “Feel like a little booty?” She replies, “I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow. Sorry.”

A few minutes later, he asks, “You don’t by any chance have a dentist’s appointment tomorrow, do you?”

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9 thoughts on “Upfront and Personal

  1. *LOL!* I’m gettin’ addicted to your humor, Jen-dawg. You reminded me of my dentist. (hm, wonder why…) No exaggeration, when he stands up he barely clears my head when I’m sitting. Makes for an interesting visit. Dood is so small he can almost climb *in* my mouth and work. Not that I’d mind, long as he took his shoes off and promised not to fart.

  2. god lord!
    if any of my dentists – er,i..well – ever see this, they would be forgiven for thinkin i wrote it! (only i wouldn’t have been sooo hilarious!)
    p.s : reason for the er = well, once u have left teeth marks on their palm they are rather reluctant to put ur name down for another appointment! 😉

  3. I HAVE to show this to my hubby so he knows he isnt the only husband to need to come to the dentist with his wife ! 🙂

    Ask for the gas !! I insist on it .. I say I will even pay more ! Last time I had a root canal they gassed me before the needle and I came to just as it was time to get out of the chair 🙂

  4. I don’t like getting pain shots/gas when I go to the dentist. For some reason I find it scarier not to feel something than to squirm with discomfort. I’ve had 4 root canals that were all done without local anesthetic. Plus I HATE when you can’t feel your cheeks or lips for a couple of hours after….

    I don’t know why they don’t have some kind of training school for dentists that help them become less scary :o|

  5. Less scary… I don’t think anything would work. You’re paying this guy/gal to stick needles in, drill into and pull stuff out of your head. The self-preservation instinct overrules any attempt to eliminate fear.

  6. Lisa: climb into your mouth? ewe… even with your caveats, I’m not sure I#d go for that. And I agree, its all about self preservation.

    …: I understand. I’m usually very apologetic. in fact, the dentist is the only place where i act all feeble and weak, preying on their strong protective side so that they’ll be nicer. I let them know right away that i have bitten before and i don’t mean to so please use a bite gaurd.

    after the bite, they usually apologize. also, once they’ve tried to fill one of my back teeth, they look to Sparky with an air of sympathy. My mouth really doesn’t open very wide.

    Dixie: Thanks, We did. Go to the dentist whilst you still have the choice.

    Jillby: I used to get the gas in america, but Germany, being the third world country it is, does not have the gas. Explains european teeth, doesn’t it?

    Belinda: you’re just plain crazy lady. I hear you, i can see your point, but i cannot understand it at all. the dentist is just too painful.

    Dentist have a very high suicide rate. one reason is believed to be because everyone who goes to see them is frightened or hurt and its not like an ER doctor where people are so happy to have lived through the experience. Most people hate the dentist. That’s why, other than biting them, i try to be really nice.

    Mr. Fabu: Yep, just apologize like you mean it after and its a free ride, my friend. As they do have the tools to hurt you, really say it like you mean it.

  7. Where do you get your idas from. I have just added you to my favourites and will defintely come back again soon. I would appreciate it if you took a peek at my site and told me what you think. Minty Breath

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