Sparky’s week in Hell

Sparky has been in hell. Honey-do hell. Let me tell you, Sparky avoids household projects as if they were the black plague. He is a master of manipulation when it comes to escaping situations that might include a screwdriver or preclude polishing. Try as he might, we spent the last week emptying our pantry/laundry room/I-don’t-know-where-to-put-it-so-I’ll-stuff-it-in-here room.

We emptied it because we needed more shelving to store all the crap that gets shoved in there. It was a freekin’ mess. The cats could barely find the litter box and all the cleaning supplies were falling off the shelves when the washer ran.

This all started because the washer leaked. I had to clean up the water-damaged hardwood and thus slyly started on this project that I’ve been planning for some time.

An aside.

In America, we have this. It’s not unusual. When there is an appliance that uses water, there will be drips. Yes, I know putting a washing machine on a hardwood floor is not so smart, but it has been done successfully.

In trying to find a drip pan in Germany, the most common response is NOT, “Hmm. We don’t have that, but try this…”

It’s more of the “Why does your washer leak? Why don’t use get it fixed? Why is it on hardwood? Why didn’t you think to put it on tile?” variety.

Okay. Maybe I’m just being bitchy, but those questions do not help.

I finally settled on one of those plastic car-trunk protectors after ruling out birdcage bottoms and plastic storage container lids. It works. It’s not pretty, but it will do the job.

See, with Sparky and his magic powers to procrastinate, one has to work quietly. Once I removed stuff and left it on the counters, I figured that his OCD would kick in and he’d be so upset and he’d be chomping at the bit to go to Ikea.

But no, amazingly, he held out for almost a week. It wasn’t that his OCD deprived mind wasn’t going crazy by not polishing the surfaces; it was that he hates Ikea that much. It’s funny to watch him there. It’s like his Kryptonite. You can literally see his energy drain and his eyes glaze over. It only takes about five minutes before he comatose enough to agree to anything. If it weren’t for the cheap hotdogs, I would never get him to go.

So, not only did Sparky have to go to Ikea rather than to the gym, but the house was covered in this stuff for days. From cleaning supplies to candles and light bulbs and laundry and tools and all that stuff his mother has given us over the last three years that I have no idea how to use or if I even want to try and figure out.

I built the shelves and we spent one full day putting them in and adding extensions so as to take advantage of the 3-meter ceilings and spent the weekend sorting, tossing and putting everything away. The kitchen counter has been cleaned off and the only stuff left is the crap neither one of us knows what to do with. There’s a lot of storage space now. I even have a place for all the linens I brought with me (I can’t find 400-thread count sheets here. How barbaric!).

So, now that everything is said and done, I have one startling realization. I did all this work to make the room which holds all the cleaning supplies and washer and dryer more comfortable to be work in. I am currently in love with a cleaning supply room. Not a fabulous outfit or a pair of Manolo Blahnik Mary Janes, but a supply closet.

My mother would be so disappointed.


7 thoughts on “Sparky’s week in Hell

  1. this is one of the reasons I love you – I dig the whole cleaning supply room love. Come over, we’ll do mine too!

  2. I understand completely. Right now I am lusting after having a washer dryer installed in my upstairs linen closet. The idea of never, ever having to go down to the laundry room again fills me with a passion that is nearly NC 17 rated. Pretty sad, huh?

  3. N: I’m so there!!

    Mr. Fab: No. But Rosie is okay.

    LL: I totoally get that. It is sad that household appliances have taken over where hot guys used to be. Well, at least appliances are useful. The going down to laundry rooms really gets me. I understand the inital logic, but barring complete flooding, laundry rooms should be where the laundry is, right?

  4. You know what I hate? They don’t have anything to protect the water from running out over the bottom of my shower. I bathe in this tiny porcelain square with just a teensy little 5-6 mm edge between the water, my bathroom floor and my downstairs neighbor’s ceiling. Every morning I’m showering on tip-toe trying not to splash any of that water over the edge, only to discover it’s laughing at me. It’s discovered no matter where I point the shower head, it can run along the calked-up wall seam and over the edge and I won’t notice. Result: the floor around my toilet stays flooded constantly. 😦 All that it’d take to solve this problem is a little piece of plastic. You know those little plastic triangles that prevent water from running along a flat surface and over the edge? Those things. Seven years I’ve been looking for those things. NO ONE has them. They don’t even know what I’m talking about.

    Shower stall glass starts at a thousand and goes up. Maybe this is why they don’t carry the plastic. (can you tell I obsess over this?)

    And p.s. my washer and dryer aren’t supposed to be in my apartment but are anyway, because I’m not walking up and down three flights of stairs past that brothel into that stinky, mold-filled cellar for man nor beast. When the landlord finds out and tells me to remove them, I’m telling him “NO. Evict us. That’s the only way they’re moving.”

    *gaining control again*

    Okay. I’m done now. Whew. This is the most passionate I’ve been since ’99. Hot guys ain’t got nothin’ on laundry or shower stalls.

  5. Hmmm, our washer & dryer will be on hardwood floors as well. I’d better start looking for a solution.

    I remember spending two days cleaning & organizing my walk in closet… after I finished I barricaded myself in and refused to come out for about 6 hours. I even made my husband bring me snacks. lol

  6. Lisa: Well, why do you do it this way?

    sorry, that was the german coming out in me. I hear and understand your pain.

    ET: may i suggest an ugly black plastic mat that can be found at any autoparts store? if you come up with a better solution, please let me know!

    That is so cute. I totally understand that desire.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s