File Cabinets

This is because Sparky keeps bugging me to post. He’s got HeisseScheisse on the brain. He’s working on a new template/site for moi and wants a post. He’s trying to work in these two adorable goats that I simply must have and its not easy. Something about vertical vs. horizontal. I don’t know. I just walk over and say yes or no, green or brown, big or small. I have no idea how it all works and as he’s been at it for days, I guess it can be kind of difficult.

As I did nothing today except think about how my arm got stuck in a drawer 15 years ago and it took me four hours to get it out and how that somehow related to being in Germany and figuring things out slowly because I still can’t find a place to re-order that toilet seat cover, I don’t have much to say.

With the drawer, I finally grew weary enough to relax and accidentally pushed the drawer in. Poof my arm came out. That was after 3 hours and 59 minutes of pulling really, really hard, bruising my elbow and thinking I was going to die with my arm stuck in a four drawer solid oak file cabinet and my cats would end up eating me.

There was some connection in my brain about relaxing and not getting so wound up over the four million phone calls I made to Bonn, Italy, London and France all to no avail. Just relax, push in the drawer and the arm comes out. Just relax, blah blah blah and the toilet seat cover is ordered? I don’t know how this is going to work. I was told by customer service in Italy I might have to visit Italy and pick it up in a store in Italy as they do not ship to Germany. At the time it made my eye twitch. Now it sounds like a really good idea. Just relax, push the drawer in and vacation in Italy.

I really don’t have anything to say today.

However, I always love making fun of Nazis. Click Away for YMCA


13 thoughts on “File Cabinets

  1. Can’t you just get some normal toilet seat from America? Doesn’t Home Depot ship for christ sake?

  2. nope. remember how we had to have our bathroom designed in France by that very, very nice french lady in strasbourg and how romantic it was and how delightful her designs were and how i absolutly was not okay with a Phillipe Stark toilet because it was outrageous to spend that much on a crapper. So we bought a ceramica dolomite. Unfortunately neither home depot or Bauhaus carry this brand.

  3. well can you not get one thru the company? i refuse to believe you can’t accomplish this in some normal way.

  4. I thought that post was sublime. Very nice in an absurdist, non-sequitor sort of way. Or something. Me likey.

  5. lucky the toilet seat didn’t come from Iran or Iraq.
    The YMCA video was pretty damn funny! 🙂

  6. Oh man! you know thats running through their tiny pet minds “If you die fucker and aren’t here to feed me I’m eating your ass” ha ha ha

  7. just make sure the ass seat you get adhears to duct tape well, for when i come visit, by the way how tall are your ceiling again?

  8. Chevy: We were totaly stupid when we built this house. I wish it were that easy. so I’ll make you a deal, I’ll give you all the numbers and pay for your phone calls and if you can get the toilet seat cover ordered then I’ll send youa gift certificate for Restoration Hardware. If not, then i get my height back.

    Amy: thanks.

    Haddock: it might as well have. We really nailed ourselves to the floor with those french.

    Matt: This thought goes through their mins at least once a day, usually around nine at night if I haven’t put out their new food. i swear to god, Cleo would have no problem digging in.

    Jeff: I am safe enough here, our ceilings are around 13 feet high and as you my brother, are afraid of heights, I have nothing to worry about. (see smug grin)

  9. Jennifer, its not the hieghts that worry me, its the long lonely plummet to my horrible death that scares the scheisse out of me.

  10. I can’t get past the fact that you had your arm in a drawer for four hours. Where in fark’s sake did you buy this Chinese Torture Puzzle of a file cabinet?! I’d be setting that mother on the sidewalk immediately. It’s cursed! :-0

  11. anon aka my brother Jeffery: yeah, so the long lonely fall from our highest ladder will keep that damn toilet seat on the toilet and away from ceilings. I’m not worried. But how was it again i got your cell phone INTO the wall?

    Lisa: It was just a regualr drawer. I was trying to get a piece of paper from the back of it and pushed the drawer in a little. The arm went in and when i pulled it back the drawer pulled out as well. I was a total idiot for not figuring it out. I had a ring of bruises around my elbow for weeks. the more i pulled, the more swollen my elbow got and the more determined i was to break my own goddamned arm to get it out.

  12. Doesn’t this sound like one of those monkeys that reach into the jar to pull out the fruit and won’t let go? You never think you will do something like that until you actually do something like that. And then you order a designer toiler. Nice analogy.

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