Just call me Granny

I’m old.

When renting the latest Stargate Atlantis tonight a young girl asked me to buy her and her girlfriend beer. She said that the video store guy would only sell it to her if they were 14 and they were only 12.

My immediate reaction was “God, no. You are far, far too young to be drinking.”
She just shrugged and walked away. I was shocked that such a young girl was experimenting with alcohol. SHOCKED!

On the way home, I remembered that when I was 12 I took a wine cooler from the fridge and drank it with a girlfriend watching Porky’s Revenge at the local theater. We got some guy to buy us tickets and I spent the whole movie thinking my mother was going to come barreling down the aisle and haul my ass home.

Later in the day I caught myself peeking out the window to spy on my neighbors. Granted there was a big fight between the Turkish importer of Deutsch flags and his helpers, but I was totally hausfrau-ing it by standing to the side of the window and watching for a LONG time.

Then I lectured my sister on not wearing a helmet when she rode a Vespa in a parking lot. Everyone knows that parking lots are the most dangerous place to ride Vespas.

Then I quizzed my brother on why he doesn’t have a girlfriend.

Then I heard the neighbor kids screaming outside and got up to give them a dirty look . There were no kids outside. It was Markus watching Hostel.

I think I’m in desperate need of some Jell-O shots and cigarettes.


8 thoughts on “Just call me Granny

  1. I can report from experience that this will only get worse but you’ll be able to recapture your youthful feeling a little by drinking a lot and watching movies that were popular when you were 18.

  2. Dixie, that sounds like a good idea but I don’t think “16 Candles” is out on DVD yet. Not to mention if I ever find out that Jen is rehashing the old brat pack flicks she will never live it down from me.

  3. If it helps you feel any better, youth here in Germany seems to be full of faux-hawks, stonewashed jeans, and possible bedazzling. Nothing to envy. You should embrace your age (but try not to throw out your back in the process).

  4. Now now jeff, The bratpack may not be as wonderful to you as dawsons creek or Les Mis, but they are classics that will live forever and all are on DVD.

  5. 1) Hostel is brilliant. The correct balance of sex and torture to be freaky yet facinating.
    2) I caught myself saying “Those freakin’ kids better not topple over our trash cans again”. It was accompanied by a fist shake.
    3) I have jell-o and smokes, I’m comin’ over.

    why I wrote these as numbered points, I have no clue.

  6. Sparky: We can do shots, but you’re eating all the Jell-O!! Together we must be the cheapest drunks in history, one shot and we’re three sheets to the wind. I can’t smoke with you around and to capture that spirit I need to smoke.

    Dixie: I can’t actually remember what movies I saw when I was 18. I was in college in a remote town and really, it was all about the parties and the boys.

    Anon/Jeff: I was 12 when 16 candles came out, thank you and I know the brat pack movies don’t quite stand up to Clash of the Titans.

    Hamish: Thank you. I hate to say it, but my youth was also filled with stonewashed bedazzled jeans and jean jackets. Early 70’s babies make 80’s bedazzlers.

    Anon/Mim: Come on now, don’t make him embarrased because he likes and can sing any song in Les Mis. Do you know if he did any ballet to Les Mis music? I know it was when he was taking Ballet lessons he was introduced to Les Mis. Wasn’t it that time jeff? When you were taking ballet lessons?

    Do you remember when we called you gay-boy and you hated it? Why did you hate it when we called you gay boy?

    Belinda: Sparky loved hostel, but he said it made him sick for hours after. He wanted to talk about it get it out of his head, but I cannot stomach horror flicks. the images are forever burned in my fragile psyche.

    I’ve got the vodka and the EverClear. See you soon!

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