Cat Pissing Husbands


I have a problem. And I’m not quite sure how to approach it at this point. See, baring domestic violence, I’m about to go fucking mad.

It’s about one bite, one sip and it’s about one dish.

One bite left in the ice cream carton. One sip left in crystal light pitcher. One bowl left in the sink.

Sounds like a little problem, huh? Well, its not. It’s a big problem and it’s driving me crazy and there is nothing I can do. I feel there might be a little passive aggressive aggression here, like when Cleo would pick out my favorite pair of jeans to piss on if I had been gone too long.

I can’t tell you how many times, I was sitting in my car, late to wherever it was I had to be, only to smell cat piss and have to go back and change. Cat piss is one of those scents that doesn’t ever really wash out or off. And it worked. Cleo got a ton of attention out of it. Usually it would start with a “CLEO!!!!!” as I ran back inside to change. She would just sit there, under the bed, out of arms reach (she was a very smart cat), content that I was back in the house and I swear I could see her smile, just a little.

Now, Cleo was the best cat in the world, but she didn’t have opposable thumbs, a feature that could have enabled her to rule the world. She wasn’t magic (well she was, but in a different way). She didn’t pull my jeans out of the closet with her razor sharp claws. She’s sniff out my jeans on the floor. My jeans were always on the floor. Most of my clothes were on the floor or in my handbag. I was single and I could do whatever I wanted with my stuff. My shoes were always by the door or artistically stepped out of as I walked down my hall. There were days that I would completely undress as I walked in the door, leaving my entire outfit on the floor one piece at a time. Those were the days, man. Being able to find my shoes or bra because it was in the exact place I left it.

But as I’ve married and live with someone who is driven nuts by this habit, I have changed, stifled my natural tendencies to organize my belongings horizontally. Why? Because I love my partner and want to make his life as comfortable as possible so we can live in communal bliss.


So when I asked said partner to finish off the ice cream so that when I see the container sitting there in the freezer and think that perhaps I might be treated to more than the tiny little bit, and there’s not and I’m sad. You know what he said? He said, “Hmm. Tough.”

What????? Tough? Tough is not smelling the cat piss until you’re at work and your co-workers start wrinkling their noses. Tough is not a response to finish the damn ice cream you perverse knucklehead.


And the bowl, the bowl! He eats; he takes it into the kitchen and leaves it on or in the sink. Then he starts polishing the shiny surfaces around the sink. WTF? He is compelled by a nasty case of OCD to clean the kitchen counters and metal parts and at the same time he can leave a bowl in the sink. With an empty dishwasher. Why can’t he just stick in the dishwasher? Why? Why do I always find one bowl and one spoon in my sink?

Because, and I’m going to say it, he’s used to his mother doing his dishes.

Argh. I’m going out of my mind and there just so many times I can wish him “kindness and many causes for kindness”* before my head explodes.

He’s gone today and I am tempted to throw my entire unmentionables drawer around the house. Strew bras all over our tree lamps and leave a trail of Vickie’s through the bathroom.

But you know what? It wouldn’t bother him. It wouldn’t register in his brain at all. OCD is his autopilot. He’d just pick it all up and shove it somewhere out of sight and I’d be out of panties. I’d ask him where he’d put it all and he’d have absolutely no memory of picking it up. I’d spend then next hour looking and I’d find everything in the freezer, right next to an empty ice cream container.

*In an attempt to lower my stress level, not flip out at the world and encourage kindness, I’m attempting to stop calling bad drivers and Krauts cows or morons. I’m trying to smile when I want to scowl and I’m wishing people kindness and many causes for kindness rather than telling them they need to get their ass/cart/car/child/dog/bike out of my way before I knock them down. I’m inviting peace and love and kindness into my life and let me tell you, its fucking killing me.

Kindness

Advertisements

21 thoughts on “Cat Pissing Husbands

  1. that is really mean – the icecream incident that is.

    but honestly, an OCD partner who’s OCD makes him clean the kitchen counters and metal parts? what is your problem again? oh ja, the bowl in the sink… 😕 want one who would, if i’d let him, use all the dishes there are before even attempting to wash anything? always leaves his wet towel on the bed and never cleans the toilet even though he’s the one who pees standing up? – i may be able to help you there… 😉

  2. You know, Kim, you’re right, if he were a normal kinda guy. But his OCD is really OCD and not just a label. Ask anyone who has ever been a guest in our home (J, I’m talking to you here). If you put your glass down, whether you are finished with it or not, Sparky picks it up and washes it and puts it away. He’s not trying to be rude, he just can’t stand it.

    Before we have people come over, we go through a little discussion so he can remember to leave glasses alone and not stop mid conversation to polish the fridge because he sees a speck or a mark.

    I used to live with my brother and i feel your pain. Maybe its my conditioning, but i can so live with that way easier than i can live with cleanliness.

  3. Whew! I am NOT alone– though my husband is not OCD. For that matter, the only things he obsesses over are those in which he wishes to purchase or otherwise “play” with– video games, computers, Jordan gear… but he does leave his dishes in the sink when the dishwasher is empty, and rather than using “real” dishes when I am not around, he prefers to use paper plates, etc. I kid you not. If it were up to him, that’s all we’d use.

  4. I know! It`s the exact same thing in our house. I think it`s the male attempt to mark his territory by leaving almost-empty stuff in the fridge. Because he can`t piss on it.

  5. well, that sucks. the OCD that is. i’ve never experienced (let alone lived with) someone who has that problem so for me it’s still kinda hard to imagine a guy could ever be too clean… and it’s really weird about leaving the bowl out then… hm.

    PS: i LOVE tina’s theory. it sounds 100% correct to me! 🙂

  6. V: we have read that site. I understand Mil very well. Funnily enough, Markus has seen most of his friends girlfriends naked.

    Tink: it is a pissing thing. I’ll have to break out some Freudian theory.

    Maria:Yeah, sparks toys tend to be of the organizational variety. Right now, he’s adding our entire music collection to his apple. We already have a music server, but apparently, its never enough.

    Kim: It can be wuite the party game with sparky. I have a friend who touches stuff just to see how long it will take sparky to polish it again. The fridge (stainless steel)is the most polished surface and one touch of baby fingers and the hair on the back of his head stands up. And i should clarify, he just doesn’t like to see things that offend his eye. Thus he shoves stuff in drawers and in closets and he has absolutely no memory of doing it.
    however, there is no such thing as a deep clean in his vocabulary. and that’s where i come in with my love of Clorox.

  7. Girl…I understand your pain. G (also with OCD tendencies) comes home from the gym and he ALWAYS leaves a trail of dirty sweaty clothes on the bedroom floor and he will literally step over them to get into bed for the night before he picks them up. I can’t wait to marry this man so I can pick up his sweaty underwear für immer!

  8. Any time you want to drive him crazy, let me know and I’ll bring The Boy over to drool, spit up and touch things. LOL!

  9. maria, i kid you not, children are like kryptonite to sparky. He follows walking aged children around the house to make sure their little hands don’t touch the walls, windows or anything for that matter. he tries to sit them down in the middle of a room, away from ANYTHING and tries to play with them.

    I’ve always thought his mother raised him on a hook and took him off when he had to use the bathroom oe go to school.

  10. SM:Is the OCD thing a German tendency, do you think? Know what you’re getting yourself into before marrying a kraut, lady.

    Haddock: Well, then, I should be fine as i have the cruel part down pat!

  11. Oooo, I feel you. Must be a man thing. Justin does it constantly. With him it’s one rotting, slobber-laden milliliter of milk in an *almost* empty milk container shoved back in the fridge.

  12. The OCD thing isn’t a German thing. My hubby is the quintessential college dorm guy. And he additionally has the bad habit of hiding things he doesn’t want to deal with. Like all our still to be installed light fixtures are sitting in a laundry basket in my office. He never goes in there, so that’s where all the junk gets put. Argh!

  13. Well …. I guess “men” can’t do anything right … imagin what they (the men) say about their partners (wife or girlfriend)…. I can hear it now … they (the women) are great … no bad habits and NOT demanding at all …

    A wise person (a man) once said … “He who is without sin (or bad habits) cast the 1st stone”

    On the next BLOG lets try to see if they (the men) have ANY good habits … to counter act the not so good habits ….

    List the “good” things … and lets see what happens …. they (the men) may just have some good qualities too …. and discuss about

  14. Well, Anon, it sounds like two things. One this might have hit a little too close to home and two you might have some issues to work out.

    If you’d leave your e-mail address I’d be happy to discuss what’s bothering you.

    I wish you kindness and many causes for kindness.

  15. I guess … someone … isn’t getting any play … from the girl … he keeps locked … in the basement

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s