Better auf Deutsch

A few things.

You know when you wake up happy from a dream that might have included a visit from Gerard Butler that you’re going to have a good day. (Dude, it was a GREAT dream. I had the best dream hangover all day.) Add a fabulous cup of coffee and hair that looks fantastic the moment your head comes off the pillow and jesus christ, its going to be a one hell of a good day. So good in fact, you wonder what bad thing is going to happen because people don’t just wake up still giggly from flirting with the new addition to the top five list and have good hair and a good cup of coffee without paying for it later, right? Right.

Well, I have yet to pay for it. I figured I’d put it out there so Ironus* doesn’t get the idea that I allowed that day to make me feel secure in my world in anyway at all.

Just so you know, Ironus, I’m well aware that you’ll take payment in kind, but could you wait awhile because I’m really digging this streak. And I promise, when you hit me out of the blue next time, to remember that you allowed this really fantastic week.

On to other stuff.

This loft is my Everest. Once one thing is done another pops up. Had a visit from my boyfriend the hot electrician. Sadly, wiring problems are over, for now.

New problem? A brand new TV that turns on all by itself, whenever it feels the need, like at 3 am. I’ve seen White Noise and this does not make me happy. It freaks me out all the fucking time. I keep waiting for the shrieking to start or at least a good poltergeist/clown encounter. God, my brain is a scary scary place.

Anyway, this new problem will require another visit to the HiFi Profi Store which will enable Sparky to visit the secret room where they take men to show the latest and greatest in Hi-Def technology. I kid you not. It is a secret room in the lower level through various other rooms where they have the 65 inch full HD/blu ray set up. I’ve even seen a box of tissues sitting next to the leather sofa (placed strategically to get the optimum sound). Men come out looking a happy and a little dazed. This room does not have a WAF** thus they take men in alone.

There is a new member of the family on the way. I’m calling him, tentatively, Speedy. No, I’m not knocked up.

Speedy is my new laptop. He was ordered and waranteed up yesterday. He’s free from all problems(except those inherent in Vista and that evil empire called Microsoft) for three years. He’s getting his own new CORDED mouse because I hate those cordless pieces of shite. And a cover and a slip to stick between the keys and the screen when he’s closed because we all know panties are a good idea. I don’t want him to be known as the Paris Hilton of laptops. And he’s 17 inches because we all know I’m a size queen, I like ’em big. And he’s black and silver and sexy. Delivery tentatively scheduled next week sometime. I can’t wait.

After foolishly reading Sparky’s copy of Muscles and Fitness, hoping to laugh and point at the meatheads and their steroided physiques, I unwittingly changed my weight lifting habits. I sadly digested some of the M&F food for thought. I will not be able to walk tomorrow. There is distinct muscle separation in my leg muscles. That I know what muscle separation is and that it is a desired goal of weight lifting is yet another symptom of Stockholm Syndrome. Please send Dorritos, cookie dough and a chick flick ASAP.

I’m also working right now. (Yes, actual work, Jeffrey for which I get paid in real Euros rather than hidden stashes of monopoly money.) Writing copy for a website that is not owned by anyone who loves me. And because they don’t love me in that way, they are expecting it to be done by Monday which means I have a LOT of work to do.

Lastly, I have found a phrase that is so much better in German than in English. What do you think?

Pofalte. Its “ass crack” in English. I like pofalte. So much in fact I considered putting it on my names list from which I pull to name things like computers, chairs and cats. It passes The Back Porch Test***.

Say it a couple of times. It has a ring.

*Ironus is the God of Irony. He rules my days and my night.

**WAF = Wife Approval Factor

***The Back Porch Test is a test to see how a name fits if you stand on the back porch and call out “Pofalte (insert name here), its dinner time!”


5 thoughts on “Better auf Deutsch

  1. Thanks for the chuckle! I love when you post new words and phrases. Things I would never think about, but I use (especially in America) when I feel the need to smile! Truly a favorite– böse möse.

    I have to tell you soon about my latest München experience. It involves wax.

  2. Hey, I’m a fan of the Pofalte word too! Ever since I read the price list of the new Wax in the City, in Munich. Pofalte costs 9 euros, but only for women. Boys gotta manage on their own…

    It just sounds so sweet and cute.

  3. Well, we had the same shit going on with our tv, and there was some random channel-changing and all. The repair guys found nothing and said the house is probably haunted. And it is. I´m guessing so is yours.

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