Call Me Patty Hearst

Today begins a two day process of trading one boiler in for another much bigger boiler in our building. This means no hot water for two days. TWO DAYS. I’ve known about it for two weeks and for two weeks I have been planning my coping strategy. But really, what do we use hot water for? Showering, washing our hands and cleaning. I shower at the gym, so that’s not a big problem. I can wash my hands with cold water as long as I have soap. Cleaning. This is what would not normally be a problem. I can do it all ahead of time and sit back for a few days with a legit excuse.

No dishwasher running, no laundry. Normally, I don’t run the dishwasher or the washing machine more than every three or four days. We are a family of two adults and two cats and unless I’ve been drinking A LOT, the cats don’t tend to use silverware. And the cats also do their own laundry. Nice thing about cats.

Yesterday I did all our laundry. Even stripped and did one last load before bed to throw in the last possible remaining bits. My laundry basket was empty. And I mean totally empty. I even did all my hand washables and took in all the dry cleaning that usually rests on the bottom until I can be bothered to take it in or Sparky’s not around so I can soak it in the sink. He gets a little antsy when water sits in a sink. I think he thinks it’s going to spill. Really, we can only imagine the kind of household he grew up in to cause this type of anxiety. I’m just sayin…

Anyway, I was so satisfied last night that I had cleaned every pot, pan, glass; every panty, t-shirt, pair of jeans and I was totally prepared for these days of hot water drought. I was so incredibly satisfied that really, there is only one way for this story to end.

I have been undone by a single black sock hiding by the rug in the laundry room. A SINGLE BLACK SOCK MARRING MY PERFECTLY EMPTY LAUNDRY BASKET. All our laundry is done, the basket empty, the house vacuumed, mopped, the dishes done and put away and the only thing out of place is one black sock.

I was tempted to just stick it back in Sparky’s drawer, but I would know it was there, unwashed, getting all the other socks dirty and I would be forced to wash the entire drawer and I absolutely hate matching socks not to mention it would be a little crazy to wash an entire drawer of clean socks just because one was dirty, right? That would be crazy. Dude, is this not proof of Stockholm Syndrome?

Just feed the poor and get me released already.

You know the thing is, I do have a life. I am busy all the time. I have people I see and book groups to lead and places I go. I am always busy these days (very different from this time last year). So why I am I obsessing over this one sock? Because I no longer have the option to wash it. And I’m fucking nuts.


9 thoughts on “Call Me Patty Hearst

  1. He gets a little antsy when water sits in a sink. I think he thinks it’s going to spill. Really, we can only imagine the kind of household he grew up in to cause this type of anxiety.

    You know, I think it’s either genetic (I’m ¼ German, too) or my personality is being strangled by red tape and the Zip-Tie of Personal Liability®.

    I too get antsy about sinks, because they’re potentially sources of water drippage, and of course water always potentially means MILLIONS OF EUROS OF DAMAGE.


  2. That is exactly how sparky thinks. Are you, by chance, in the insurance industry, Cliff? I would like to know the statistics regarding hand washables and water damage. I mean, if the risk is great enough, hell, i’ll just toss out my bits of silk. Much safer in the long run. 🙂

  3. Um, Jen? German dishwashers and washing machines are attached to the cold water line. They heat the water themselves. Unless you have some kind of high-tech fancy-schmancy imported machines 🙂

  4. Poor J-bird,I hope you remain sain with the sock of dissapointment looming over head for 2 days.

  5. GBF: Didn’t Sparky do a good job. For the record, there was no photoshopping of my face, just placement. My face has really gotten that thin. woo wee

    Dixie and Martinia: My washer is hooked up to both a hot and cold thingie. Maybe this was done incorrectly? Thanks for the info, i had no idea!

  6. Yeah, what Martina said… our washer here uses cold water and heats it itself. Maybe ask yours if it does the same? Otherwise I suggest you boil a big cauldron of water and cook the germs out of the sock that way. 🙂

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