Dear Traffic Amt of _____, Hessen,
My name is Jennifer _____ and yesterday I was flashed by one of your numerous cameras. I would like to take this opportunity to talk to you about it.
See, I’m a really good driver. I try to use my ability to drive for the good of mankind. And yes, my sidekick, Gracie, is a gas guzzler, but really, superheroes need their signature ride and frankly she’s in the shop more often than not due to a quirky electrical issue. I feel the time spent in the shop makes up for the time spent on the road, but I digress.
Yesterday was a beautiful morning. Well, beautiful by German standards. It was cloudy, but not raining. The streets and autobahns were dry as a bone. Gracie prefers to run at about 140. I try to reign her in a bit, but you know how wild horses can be. So there we are, just driving and there is not a soul in sight for kilometres and we’re on a straight as that bone dry road. No in-the-fucking-way-Opel, no the-left-lane-is-a-good-idea-Semi-truck, no nothin’. The radio was on and kind of loud. You know, the loud that can only be achieved when you are alone in the car. The loud that allows you to sing along with every song and not hear how bad you voice is. It was a great moment. Well, that is until “The Edge of Seventeen” came on the radio. Then it just happened. Gracie could no more help herself from punching it to 180 than I could from playing the air drums on the steering wheel and singing along. The spirit of the moment took over. We had no control over the speed. When that song comes on, one is obligated by supernatural forces of the Welch Witch herself to drive faster.
So, given the circumstance, I think you can understand that we really had no choice to be going so fast. I know the speed limit was 130ish, but really, those rules simply cannot apply when Stevie Nicks is on the radio, right? I know in this fine, bureaucracy loving country, there must be the Stevie Nicks clause. I mean she’s not Scorpions, I know, but there has to be some sort of Stevie Nicks loop hole.
I would be happy to discuss this further. If, for some reason you would like to enact said moment, please let me know. Gracie and I would be delighted… barring all future flashes, of course.