bits, crap, detritus, dregs, dross, fragments, garbage, junk, offal, pieces, refuse, remains, rubbish, rubble, ruins, trash, waste, wreck, wreckage

Today’s piece of advice: Be careful what you wish for.

Everything is incredibly busy right now. The clock on my 34 years is almost up and I realized that I didn’t say I was 34 enough. So I’m trying to get it in before next week. I walk around the house telling Sparky, “you know what? I’m 34.” “Did I tell you how old I am? I’m 34”. I blame my dad for always telling us we were a year older than we really were so we never got the chance to really enjoy our age. Yeah, I know, wait until I have kids and see what stupid stuff they blame me for. Sparky and I are already saving for therapy if we have kids.

Speaking of dependants, we are adding another to our family. Details to follow.

Monday starts a competition between Sparky and I and another couple. A weight loss competition. I’ve been feeling a bit unmotivated and nothing motivates me like a competition I know I can win unless the idea that I know I can win lets me off the hook. I would go to the gym if I could watch Stargate while I walk. If I had a treadmill at home, I’d use it every day, I swear. Walking for an hour is not bad when I have new music or less on my mind. As it is I do not want to be alone with my thoughts right now. I need that turn off function which didn’t seem to come included with the software. In fact, the firmware, is defective, I think, along with all the other electrical equipment in this house the only thing that seems to function for any length of time in this place is my vibrator and thank god for that, huh. I should count my blessings and not how many DVD players we burn through or computers or printers or fridges or TVs or satellite boxes or routers or cordless phones or cell phones or cars. And seriously, why aren’t plug-ins available in Germany. I swear, it must be related to the cultural expectation of guilt and general surliness because I am here to tell you, if the women of this country had that as an outlet, people, we would be a lot happier. Batteries just add to environmental issues and tend to fail at inopportune times. Plug-ins are the ecological choice. Al Gore agrees.

You know, it’s interesting because I know if I just face what is stressing me out and if I spent a day (or 15) just dealing with it, it would go away. It’s not like its life altering stuff. It’s one of the canned bits of advice I give to my friends and family. Easier to be on the other end of that advice, let me tell you. That and if you don’t deal with your shit, it follows you, like dog poop on the bottom of your shoe.

Also trying to quit smoking again. Nice. It’s the only bad habit I’ve carried with me for years. On again, off again habit. That and cat collecting. But cat collecting is limited and frankly, I would have rather had my original three than more opportunities. And while I know it’s bad for me and I know Sparky is going crazy with it, I just can’t seem to want to stop smoking this time. He suggests exercising, but I’ve fallen off that wagon too.

Fuck, and I guess the use of this word puts me in the vulgar category (or perhaps the shit reference above did that), but I’m actually going to have to get off my ass and do something, damn it. Fuck, ass and damn it in one sentence. I really do show a lack of breeding. Lack of breeding, eh. Or it is the lack of the ability to breed. If I had kids, would I be less vulgar?

Yeah, 35 is going to be swell. This post is a prime example why I don’t post when in this state of mind. And Mim, don’t fret, it’s just a passing mood swing, nothing big unless I don’t get my Roomba next week. Then its all about the bell jar and it will be your fault. (predisposition to feel and use guilt was included in the software bundling.)

Off to Munich. Sparky is going to be on some cooking show, learning how to make Steak Madagascar . Why Steak Madagascar? Because apparently Chocolate Salty Balls were not an option. This should be interesting.


2 thoughts on “bits, crap, detritus, dregs, dross, fragments, garbage, junk, offal, pieces, refuse, remains, rubbish, rubble, ruins, trash, waste, wreck, wreckage

  1. i think whatever is bothering you is made even worse by the weather in germany. there’s already fallen leaves on the ground and last night, when i had my post-dinner-smoke on the balcony (i’m not allowed to smoke in my own apartment any more since the american moved in…) i saw birds leaving for the south. and we didn’t even have a summer…

    i hope you feel better soon and have a good time in munich. never been there. i hear it’s pretty schicki-micki though… 🙂

  2. Hey, anyone who makes Sylvia Plath references when stressed has already shown they possess the greatest coping mechanism known to man- a decent sense of humor. It’s what kept Sylvia’s head out of that oven for so long…

    If you need to talk to a random, almost stranger (sometimes they’re easier to deal with than well-meaning friends or family) you’ve probably still got my number. If not, just shoot me an email and I’ll get it to you again.

    And what’s wrong with being vulgar? Some of the best people I know regularly trade in vulgarities, and some of the worst uses phrases like “H-E-Double Hockey Sticks!”. (btw- parenting just teaches you to creatively channel your vulgarity… like, say, in a blogging format)

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