Public Humiliation Is Not Just A Sexual Fetish

falling.gifFirst of all, I would like to thank the makers of all polished slippery floors. If not for you, I would have 10,000,000 less embarrassing stories, like falling on my ass in the Frankfurt airport last night. If not for the makers of highly polished marble, my left ankle might actually be the same size as my right.

The fall wouldn’t have been so bad if I didn’t ALWAYS do the Fall Dance in an attempt to stop said tumble. Arms flail, knees bend backwards as ankles fall in. Even though I can’t see my face, I hear the Fall Dance face is a mixture of terror, resignation and oh shit not again disbelief. I was 9 when I learned to protect my face. Nine and two broken front teeth.

When I am queen, and that day is coming soon, all public places that require lots of walking will have floors that have a little grit to them.

Tat and I were talking a few weeks back about embarrassing stories. I have so many that at this point, I’m an old hand. I no longer burn with embarrassment, but rather shrug and see the humour because frankly, it has been worse. And in most cases it is funny. If I can laugh then it wasn’t a total waste and if it’s funny, I can add it to my repertoire of stories.

Tat has one embarrassing story.

One.

I was trying to figure out why I have so many. I’m clumsy by nature so that explains the falling. I’ve never been able to wear cute heels with any sort of success. The joke (with more than a little truth) is that with heels I can walk the five feet from the closet to the bed and that’s it. Knowing this, I tend to wear flats or loafers or flip flops. Flip flops are tricky though. I can fall in flip flops pretty easily. It’s the flip part of the flop that gets me.

I’ve categorized my experiences to try to find a pattern.

Falling: Publicly – without the benefit of alcohol. I have only one fall of record that included alcohol and that was due more to the raccoon than the vodka.

Wardrobe Malfunctions:

Regarding Underwear: On display w/o knowledge;
Sub Cat: The Underwire’s Revenge.
Hosiery: When hosiery walks the walk…w/o me
The rest of the outfit

Sexual: Solo, Not Solo
Dating: Clothes on. (Clothes off, see above.)
Business: Including meetings, email mishaps, and coffee
Medical: Uh, usually this includes one of the above and the subsequent explanation

Then we have locations which work as adjectives in the sentance of my embarassment creating a situation that privately, wouldn’t be noteworthy.

Cars, School, Shopping Centres, Banks, Work, Apartment Complexes, Busy Streets, Hospitals, Telephones, The Supreme Court Building, Stairs, Graduation Ceremonies

I’ve excluded home, family and friends houses. If we are friends, it doesn’t count, goes with the territory. My brother and sister are excluded from family because they are merciless in their subsequent teasing.

The only thing I can pinpoint as a cause is me and my inability to pay attention and since that cannot be true, I will blame Ironus*.

Surely, I am not alone. Please tell me you have had more than ONE embarrassing story. In fact, let’s make this a meme. Write a post about an embarassing situation, leave me a comment with the link and I’ll give you one of mine. You can choose your catagory.
*Ironus is the god of irony

Picture is by Sam Brown, explodingdog.com

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5 thoughts on “Public Humiliation Is Not Just A Sexual Fetish

  1. OMG i’m totally experiencing “The Underwire’s Revenge.” TODAY. i just tried to slip it further back in so it would stop poking the hell out of me.

    i certainly have more than one embarrassing story. i shall think, post and then let you know when i’m done 🙂

  2. the underwire revenge is just plain mean. it can turn a good day into a bad with its little pokes of pain. not to mention when it pops out the front and through sweaters.

  3. well luckily mine is just popping out the right side so it only punctures my right side. and it’s one of my favorite bras as well 😦

  4. Not sure I’d write a meme about this topic… but I am SO with you about tripping! I have lots of stories about tripping and falling flat on my face. I’ve actually tripped while wearing sneakers! Sometimes I see a gorgeous pair of heels and I WANT them so bad but I immediately think of falling and I actually get this awful feeling in my tummy. But…. I still buy the heels!

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