But today I have questions and I need answers and if I ask Sparky, he’ll walk away because he knows I don’t want some boring medical scientific explanation. He knows I want to hear about the snot fairy who visits when the humidity factor is low. The snot fairy gently blows common cold dust up your nose while you sleep thus ensuring a human factory of hard to evaporate moisture. This moisture is added to the climate in massive amounts thus effecting the barometric pressure and then in Japan a butterfly has to sit that day out because of rain.
Magic is the only way to explain the unending amounts of snot. I feel like Rumpelstiltskin, except instead of straw into gold, I turn a perfectly good Kleenex into goo.
How does ones body produce so much? Is there a never ending supply because it seems to me, in the last week, I, alone, could have provided the ectoplasm for a ghostbusters trilogy.
Okay, okay, let’s just say that its a normal amount. Why am I not losing tons of weight in the production? I mean, calorically, my body is busy right? And its not normal so there should be an increase in metabolic activity, right? So what’s the deal?
Okay, one more. Shouldn’t I at least be losing water weight? I drink my 2.5 liters a day. I produce 15 gallons of nose-related Kleenex filler. Where does it come from?
My only answer is the snot fairy and her very close association to Ironus, that rat bastard.
Now, how do I separate used Kleenex, in a garbage sense. You know krauts and their adherence to procedure. Are used Kleenexes Alt Papier? Technically it is a paper product. Bio? I think it can be composted. Medical bio-hazard? I have a neighbor who looks at our trash, making sure we separate correctly and cleanly (wash out the yogurt containers people), so I want to make sure I get this right.