T&A No, no. I mean Q&A

Q:  Why do so many people wear sunglasses in California?

A:  Because the light here is so fucking beautiful and clear, you must in order to protect your eyes.  Please, do not mistake light for air.  The air isn’t all that clean.

Q:  Why are there so many coffee shops in the Bay Area?

A:  Because it has been scientifically proven that people are happier with a constant supply of non-fat lattes.  It’s true.  I swear.

As an aside, yesterday morning’s Starbucks stop resulted in a free latte.  Starbucks ran out of tall, grande and venti sized hot beverage cups.  I got a free two shot latte in a short cup.  However, all I could think about was how does Starbucks run out of coffee cups and some-one was in troub-ble. 

Q: What constitutes “fuck me” boots?

A:  I can’t define ’em, but I know ’em when I see em…  and I bought em. And I can walk in them, mostly.  

Q:  From my friend Ray, the friendly Safeway check-out clerk.  “Who hit you in both your eyes?”

A:  A guy named Andrew Sorensen and he used a knife.

Q:  How do you drive a brother crazy?

A:  By not responding to his prank of using a sharpy to black out my night time safety goggles.  It came down to a choice of chancing it with a possible sleep eye rub which would render me BLIND or wear the goggles and wake up like a sensitive rabbit in a cosmetic testing lab.  He felt very, very bad as he should, the next morning.

A2:  Make him go shoe shopping.

A3: Ask him if your ass looks fat, flat or disgusting in the 100th pair of jeans you try on.

A4: Steal all his lighters and replace them with empty lighters.  Thank you to all those who helped me in this prank.

Q:  How do you waste a day?

A:  Law & Order marathon

Tomorrow:  Eye make-up can be safely used again which is just in time to have two days of socializing before Sparky joins me.  Hot date first thing in the morning with the eye doctor, lunch with Ilona of the hot wax fame and then on to coffee with Ace.  Home in time to hit up Smitty’s with the boys where I plan on wearing said boots and drinking far too much.

Jami, the bartenders have changed, but Smitty’s is still the same.  You should be sad that you haven’t joined me.


14 thoughts on “T&A No, no. I mean Q&A

  1. this list reads totally different now then it would have four weeks ago before i spent three weeks in beautiful california. i miss it! *sigh* there are THAT many starbucks in souther california as well. i told C at some point that i think starbucks really runs the country, whoever is the current president is just decoration 😉

    i totally know how “fick mich stiefel” look like and i could NEVER walk in them (or get them to fit over my thighs for that matter…) but YAY to getting some!

    i’d probably chose to waste my day with a “trauma, life in the E.R.” on discovery health and “house MD” marathon, but that’s just me. although “law & order” would do it, too. my favorite is the SVU 🙂

    enjoy home, girl! and YAY for the eyes that can see without glasses/contacts. must be AWESOME. you have to tell me all about it when we get together once you’re back and say “hi” to cali and the sun from me. we miss them!

  2. Sun? You’ve seen the sun? Do take a photo of it for me.

    Law and Order marathon? Now I’m really jealous (as if seeing the sun wasn’t enough).

  3. Oh, I am looking forward to a nice Law and Order marathon over the holidays. I’m also going to Nordstrom Rack. And getting a facial and a new haircut and maybe a manicure/pedicure, and, and, and… 😀

  4. hmmm. I thought I was the one that was going to have (get) to tdo the jeans shopping w/ you, but if you decided it would be more fun to torture Jeffy w/ that task, alright by me.

  5. Sunglasses, Western New York is preparing for up to two feet of snow in the next 48 hours..I can hardly wait.. I long for the opportunity to wear my sunglasses again…wait a minute isn’t the snow sometimes bright enough to warrant wearing glasses. On no way, they told us we wont be able to get out of our driveways much less the roads. Oh well, another gloomy month in a suburb of Buffalo, New York

    Dorothy from grammology
    remember to call gram

  6. Where has this blog gone? Was that her face i saw on that milk carton last week? Please let us know that your alive.

  7. I’m a new reader and can’t wait to read more, but it’s been so long i hope you’re still writing this is the most entertaining blog I’ve ever read.

  8. I just thought you should know that…

    Last Christmas I gave you my heart
    And the very next day
    You gave it away.
    This year
    To save me from tears
    I’ll give it to someone special

  9. not to parrot Mim TOO much, but POST already, goddamit (I know you have a nice computer @ your disposal — mine!)

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