“Places aren’t haunted. People are haunted.”

I’ve been watching Ghost Whisperer.  Yeah, yeah, I know. Whatever.  They tricked me.  I know I’m not allowed to watch these things, but I started off with one episode just to see what it was all about and to see if Jennifer Love Hewitt’s boobs were really all that.  (I’m watching fo free. surfthechannel(dot)com )

It started off all Lifetimey and Lifetimey is okay.  Tears at the end of the episode and some lesson of forgiveness.  A hint of the supernatural if you overlooked the talking to dead people part. Then there are the outfits.  I mean, really, who wears ankle length dresses with sweetheart collars all the time.

Well, that was just to pull you in.  I should have known I was not just getting calloused when I stopped crying 6 or 7 episodes in.

By the end of the first season, it is downright scary.  They spend 30 minutes on mood music and making things fly around and homey don’t like that.

I hate, hate, hate scary movies.  I hate supernatural scary movies the most because while I can understand Hannibal Lecter and appreciate his brilliance, I cannot handle the unexplainable because no matter how much I live in the real world, I kinda sorta believe in the supernatural world. Especially at night, when it’s dark and my TV turns on an off by itself ALL THE TIME and I live in a 400+ year-old mill that was once used by Nazis and is in the middle of an open field that gets foggy all the time and is surrounded by a dark forboding forest.

(An aside:  One night last winter I had to pick up Sparky from the train station at about 11 pm.  It was dark and foggy and I was freaked out walking to the car because of all the fog and darkness.  I heard something and just stopped in my tracks.  It sounded like thunder or a train coming right at me and got so loud. I don’t know why I didn’t try to move except that I couldn’t tell where the noise was coming from.

It was 12 horses running in the meadow right where I parked my car.  It was so foggy I couldn’t see them until they were right next to the fence and let me tell you, a herd of horses galloping in the fog only to appear when they’re ten feet from your face.  Scccaaaaarrrryyy.  And this shit only happens when I’m alone.)

I am not a risk taker by nature.  I make my bed every morning, first thing.  That should say it all.

So there are a couple of things I don’t understand about supernatural movies and their characters.

1. What in gods name are you doing going to a closed down insane asylumn in the middle of the night and then without a flashlight??? (Number 23)

2. Why don’t you ever turn on a light?  It’s midnight, you hear a noise.  Turn on the damn light.  Ghosts aren’t sneaking up on you.  They are there to terrorize or heal some emotional wound and they can do that with the lights on.

3.  When the windows in your home/office suddenly freeze with the accompanying suction sound of a fast freeze, why not leave right then?

4.  After experiencing a haunting in your house (if you do not see dead people all the time) why go back with the words “I’m not going to be forced out of my house by some ghost.”?  Yes, you are.  No shame in that, but really, it will take one more flying book or random unplugged electrical item turning on for you to run screaming from your home.

5.  Lightning storms.  Why drive down old country roads when you don’t have to? Go home.

6.  Why are ghosts so passive aggressive?  why don’t they just come out and say what they want rather than moving all the furniture?  Jesus christ already, tell us what you want and then move on into the light.  Go, moveon.org.

7. Why do I watch these things? EVER?

Sparky meowed at me last night from the hallway of our bedroom.  Not a cat call or a scary crazy meow, but a sweet little meow.  The whole house was dark and I had no idea he was there.  He made no noise, no indication he was there.  I had thought he was playing with his new MacBook in the other room, but no.

This “meow” came out of the darkness and scared the crap out of me.  I was lying down so the scaredy dance was a little off, but the scream was not.  Nor the automatic tears that came from being so scared.  ALL FROM THE FREAKIN’ Ghost Whisperer.


10 thoughts on ““Places aren’t haunted. People are haunted.”

  1. I can overlook your penchant for the Gilmore Girls (with some difficulty), but Ghost Whisperer is just so bad, in so many ways. If you want to watch something in this genre, I’d recommend Medium.

  2. Less tears and not so scary Medium is. Sorry to sound like Yoda. Just saw the last comment as I was about to write. I found your blog today and its making me laugh so I just wanted to say Hi. I am and expat myself. I’m a Brit living in the USA but I spent 7 years in Germany and find that I relate very well to your observations and your humour. I’ll be adding you to my bloglist. Have a great day!


  3. Hi all,

    Jen and I watched Medium (first 2 or 3 seasons I think) and although we kinda liked it the second half of the first season, we totally lost interest midway in the second or third, whichever it was. It just got formulaic, I think.

    I personally (as a vocal skeptic of anything supposedly supernatural) can just not get over the fact that the jackass woman whose life the show is supposedly based o,n claims SHE REALLY IS A PSYCHIC and bilks grieving people out of their cash.

    I hope she’ll rot in the hell I don’t believe in.

  4. i don’t like ghost whisperer. or mrs. love *rollseyes* she annoys me.
    BUT thank you for the link. alluc (DOT) org is not as good as it used to be any more 🙂

  5. In our last apartment, the old floors would creak and pop and sound just like footsteps. Oliver was always out of town or country leaving me alone with my overactive thoughts. Then the old TV started turning on late at night, bathing the apartment in blue light at 4 am. I’d walk into the living room to see it counting… to my doom I was sure.

    I started unplugging it.

  6. Sparky,
    Share your general scepticism on actual supernatural occurences, as well as your condemnation of people that con susceptible people based on their “pyschic” abilities.

    On the other hand, the supernatural is an absolute motherload for books, TV, movies etc. Just finished reading Stephen King’s latest – “Duma Key”. A ripping good yarn – one that I can see being made into a better than average movie if done correctly.

  7. Acerbic,

    Share your sentiment about the supernatural making good yarn. Love fantasy adn horror novels as well as movies.

    I just draw the line at claiming this shit is true. Which is why I can’t condone the John Edwards’ and Alison DuBois’ of this world.

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