I Have a Secret

And I can’t actually say anything about it.

This is why I could never be a spy.  I would walk around telling everyone that I knew stuff I couldn’t tell them.  I might even play 20 questions so that they could guess that Putin dressed up like a fairy complete with pink tissue paper wings on days he was especially tough or that he loved the feel of silky ballet slipper ribbons tied around his pixie-like ankles when ordering “Phasers set to kill”.

Shit, I probably shouldn’t have said that.  I might be poisoned.  It’s like Stephen King.  Don’t fuck with Stephen King or you end up dead from “Natural Causes” at 43 or in my case 36. I love Stephen King.  I can’t read his books because I’m a total wuss and some PG-13 movies are too scary for me, but you’ll never hear me say a bad word about Mr. King.

So, yeah.  I have a secret and I can’t say anything.

This blog might be boring for a while.

How long?

Yes or no questions only, please because I really can’t say.  It’s a secret.

Is it one week?


Can I check back in one week and you’ll have told us your secret?


Can I ask more questions until then.

No.  Sorry, Sparky has officially tied my fingers together in an attempt to shut my mouth.

In other news, Sparky’s news clip was on last night on ZDF.  We got exactly 2 hours notice.  He was great.  I’m so proud of my expert.  AND they used my mouth in the background.  Why is this good?  Well, for one, my mouth is always open.  A very good example for word-of-mouth marketing.  I can’t keep it shut to save my life.  See above.  But also, they didn’t show my period stained pants.

And kennedy121, I mean trousers or slacks.  I was not running around being filmed for a news program in my underwear.

Why are “pants” underwear in the GB?  What are they called in Australia?  Is this different in New Zealand?


11 thoughts on “I Have a Secret

  1. Let me guess…

    You’re pregnant and have decided to give birth in Australia. Or New Zealand. Or straddling the two wearing ladies’ undies specially designed for this sort of thing.

    Was Sparky on a ZDF show that will be repeated anytime over the next week? If so, let us know and I’ll set the VCR.

  2. Oh! A sub-question (hopefully not rhetorical?) that I actually know the answer to!

    Am happy to share that underpants in both Oz & Nz – are either ‘undies’ or ‘daks’ (depending on context… daks can be considered informal).

    Must say though that commonality of terms between the two countries does not extend to swimwear or footware. For these the terms are markedly different!

  3. I tried at the Videothek – no luck. Heute Journal for Aug 27th, right? Lots on Georgia, nationalistic violence in Templin. Do I have the correct show?

  4. Too bad you’re so far from the Bay area, or I could torture you to find out the secret.

    I actually don’t care all that much what the secret is, but I’m always on the lookout for a reason to torture someone. ;-}

  5. Pants or knickers in the UK, although I had a friend from Yorkshire who called them Grundies. Fingers crossed that your secret goes postively until you can spill the beans.

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