Life moves at an amazing pace these days. I have six weeks before I go back home. I guess I should probably buy a plane ticket. Sparky’s attendance is still up in the air. I’m hesitant to go without him, as I kinda miss the guy after a few days. The cats would be happy.
By the way, this is a good time for my real family – the royal family – to come into the picture and buy me a business class ticket home. The private jet would fine too. Just please, do not stick my five-and-a-half month pregnant ass in peasant class. I’ll be six-and-a-half months when I come home. Again, Princess needs an upgrade.
In good news there, I can still fit into my skinny jeans. Well, if I don’t button them up and use a rubber band to keep them together. I could button them up, but its really uncomfortable and for once its not because I ate a pint of b&j’s Phish Food.
In somewhat alarming news, my boobs are Katie Price sized and don’t seem to be slowing down. I expect a “Jen’s Boobs versus Godzilla” movie soon. Let me just say, my money is on my chest. I’m not liking it so much. I can’t wear any of my old tops without looking either totally slutty or well, totally slutty and that’s not the look I’m going for. I’ve had to fall back to the old tank top layering thing which makes me feel like I’m 400 pounds again.
A certain red-headed cat woke me up last Monday by knocking my grape-cranberry juice off my bedside table. That was fun at 5 am.
The next morning he woke me up with no-longer impacted anal sac stuff on my hand and forehead. I tried to scoot him off the bed because he purrs too loud at 4 fucking am. He had the last laugh there. After my ewwwe panic “get it off of me” dance and scrubbing his stinky butt, he fell asleep in the warm spot I had left in the bed. For all of five second before his furry butt was flying off the bed. He actually had the nerve to look insulted. Oh and Sparky slept through the entire thing. (All the cats are toxo negative. I had them tested so Loki is totally safe.)
Had a girls day with Tat and it was lovely.
I got to take Twinkle Toes to Ikea for dinner and shopping. Taught her the correct way to sing “And the Winner Takes it All” – at the top of your lungs with dramatic hand movements and a big spin at the end. Man, I love that kid. She really understands how drama, when correctly applied, adds flavor to one’s life.
I took Sparky to the train so early today that I still had the veil of scaredy-ness on. I came back into the house alone and I swear I was in that subway scene in Mimic with Mira Sorvino. I could feel the giant cockroach like things watching me as I ran up the stairs to our apartment. It might have had something to do with the flickering green light coming from the elevator. Or my overactive imagination. Or giant cockroach things watching and waiting. They’ll come back out when I pick him up again tonight in front of the whorehouse at midnight. Either them or the serial killer stalking me or the ghost train pulled by the 12 horses galloping in the dark. I really need to move somewhere with more street lights and less nature.
Sarah Palin is a lying liar and I cannot believe she is in the position she’s in. It KILLS me. Sarah does not represent the women of America I’m familiar with. I went through more interviews and a stricter vetting process to scoop ice cream at Thrifty’s when I was 14. (And yes, I abused my power. I never paid a dime for those 10 cent ice cream cones at all that summer.) She has become a button Sparky likes to push with me as it always gets a reaction. Usually of the teeth grinding variety. I just want this election to be over. I can’t stand the not-knowing – is the country I love is going to be sacrificed yet again to dim-witted voters who just want to feel as if they are represented by someone they feel is “just like them”. Idiots. I don’t care how you “feel”. Get a therapist. We need a leader who is smarter than we are. Really. NO, really. This isn’t reality TV, people. It’s reality.
I can’t eat enough grapes or pineapple. Nothing tastes better to me these days. Or grilled cheese sandwiches. Yum.