So, this pregnancy thing, I’m still on the fence about it. Apparently, for me, it’s one big worry fest that will never cease. I’m not quite sure I’m liking it, but I can tell you I’m fur shur liking the kid. I’m digging his personality. I love it when he swims away from the Doppler or when he waves and then flips over during the ultra sound. I like it when he jab-jabs me if I sit in a position that must be squishing him. And I love that he’s always doing what’s not convenient. He’s got spunk and gumption. At least I like it while he’s five inches and stuck in utero. I’m sure it’ll prove to be my undoing later.
I had the amnio. I couldn’t make the decision. I was just a mess of anxiety about making the right choice, so Sparky and my Dr. made the decision. It’s really nice to have a partner in this to help out when I’m useless. Before I knew it, it was done.
I was a bit worried about the 50″ needle plunging halfway through my body, but my doctor took care of that. He asked me about Sarah Palin just before he stuck me. I was still sputtering in indignation by the time he had finished. I didn’t feel a thing except for a bit of pressure.
Then he told me that was what labor would be like, you think it’ll hurt, but it doesn’t. I asked him if he had a vagina because I suspected labor and childbirth were somewhat more painful than a 30 second procedure.
I told him I wanted drugs just to TALK about labor. He told me that really, I’d not even feel it. Having just watched Knocked Up for the 4th time, I doubted that. I mean really, if you can’t count on Hollywood to depict child birth accurately, who can you trust?
He referred me to his female colleague, another doctor, who told me that it hurt, a lot, but you forget it quickly. Well, except for the stitches. Yeah, there is a bit of an incontinence issue too.
Uh, hello? This is exactly why I want a c-section. There seems to be this conspiracy between my team of doctors to get me into NATURAL childbirth – not just no c-section, but no drugs either. They don’t quite get the idea that I hate nature, in all its forms. I don’t walk through forests that aren’t paved, what makes anyone think that I’m going embrace “the most fulfilling experience a woman can have.” Yes, he said that. Obviously, he’s never gone shoe shopping with a wealthy lover. That was pretty fulfilling to me.
I’m going to fight that fight when I get back from the states. I might not get my c-section, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to go without drugs. I’m not doing it and I might be all nice about it right now, but don’t push me into that corner. Not happening.
So, the initial tests came back from the amnio – ALL CLEAR. Loki is as healthy as an avocado-sized-16-week-in-utero can be. I had a freak-out after the amnio that I’ll write about when I’m more in the mood to relive the panic and terror of thinking I was leaking amniotic fluid and had killed the little guy with the amnio I had to make sure he was healthy. Not today. Today I’m too happy.
So, the day America welcomed Obama as our President-Elect, I found out that Sparky and I are welcoming a little boy. I have to say November 5th was a gold star day.
It turns out that Loki was not the only baby conceived after that wedding. Looks like the bride got knocked up too. I’m tellin’ you, lots of red wine, lots of flirting and The Sisters of Mercy go a long way.