Bodily Functions

I woke up this morning to THAT DAMN CAT horking up some odd thing, (including a stick), on the bed next to Sparky’s head. Sparky woke up when Scrunchy jumped up on the bed to eat the Ollie puke. Sparky guarded said hork until I was able to get back in with paper towels.

As I cleaned it up, I serenaded Sparky with Cat Stevens’s “Morning Has Broken”. He dove under his pillow with a muffled “THIRTY more minutes”.

Shortly after, I pooped.

I know, you didn’t need nor want to know that, but let me tell you, it’s news around here. Great news. It’s been a while. An apparent side effect of pregnancy. You know how when you’re single and you haven’t had sex in a long time and then you do and all your friends notice that hi-pro glow and ask what’s different and you can’t do anything but smile a lot. Well, that what it was like for me this morning, but not with sex. I was so excited by pooping, one would think I was East German.

Sparky, who had gone back to sleep after the horking episode, woke up to me singing an impromptu little ditty about pooping.

The secret to pregnant pooping? Magnesium, Calcium and Potassium all mixed into a tiny little pill – Zentra.min Bast.ian, you know, with out the (.). I’ve been popping those pills like Pete Doherty on his way to court.

I’m currently on the phone with Sony trying to get my Vaio/Vista machine fixed yet again. This is the 2nd time I’m sending it in. Last time it took me a week of phone calls before anyone would take it and only then after I started crying on the phone that no one would help me.

Last year, it was a 30 day repair window and my mother-in-law had to wait for three days for them to show up and I had to pay for shipping. Yes, I have all the extended, world-wide warranties, but for some reason it didn’t seem to matter.

This time, not so hard. They’ll pick it up tomorrow and deliver it within 5 business days. I’m waiting for them to show up and demand a cat or a kid or something because this was far too easy. Far, far too easy. As long as they don’t take away my ability to poop, we’re all good.


9 thoughts on “Bodily Functions

  1. If you reach the breaking point, before you chuck Ollie out the window, ship him to me. The idea of having two Olli’s I can yell at for the crap they leave on the floor is just too too appealing. 🙂

    As for the pooping, maybe that’s why my sister-in-law (pregnant again) is such a fanatic about them… Apples and Actimel – she swears she can’t live without ’em.

    Say hi to your little fuzzy puker for me! -Megan

  2. only because i love you so much did i even continue reading after that first paragraph *gags* seriously, on a monday… ugh! anyway, congrats to the pooping. i have those problems without being pregnant when i’m on vacation and in a foreign environment. it takes be an average of 5 days in the USofA before i can go again. coming back, no problem. and i know you needed to know that. oh and also, will you reply to my email or do i have to come over? otherwise you will just miss out on the great opportunity of me sending you lots of great movies. 😛

    PS: lucky charms help with the pooping, too 🙂

  3. Yeah for pooping! I’ll have to buy me some of that … did you get it at the apotheke or just a regular store?

    Here’s to future shitting.

  4. Hey, I pooped today too! And…I’m a regular taker of magnesium and calcium supplements. Sometimes I go a day without pooping. Maybe I should be adding some potassium to my diet?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s