Yet another way to totally fuck up your kid.

Bronx Mowgli? Come on.

Being a “Jennifer”, I am sensitive to curse of the common name.  I have always wanted my kids to have something unusual, but not Inspektor Pilot type unusual.

Loki named himself long ago, long before I was pregnant and long before I started even trying (not Loki – that’s his nickname while in utero). I just kind of figured “M” would show up and I was just waiting for him.  We’ve gone through other names and we always come back to this one specific name.  I’ll name him here on HeisseScheisse after he’s born because I do have some superstitions.

However, the close second name we tossed around?

Lucius Kain Massana von R.*

I know, not a whole lot better than Bronx Mowgli, but we both like Lucius because of Lucius D. Clay. And when you add the Kain Massana von R. it becomes a really cool superhero/villain name, but kind of a mouthful.  The Massana von R part is the last name.  My kids will have my last name too.  He can go simply by von R. if he wants.

We’re not actually doing it because everyone started calling him Lucifer.  His name is far more common and easily pronounced in both languages.  If he wants to be a superhero/villain, he can use his middle name.

My brother is deeply saddened that we have opted not to use Optimus.

What are some of the names you’ve thought of and not used?  You can totally call those names still for future children or pets and by the law of “Calling” no one can use them without your permission.

*Miranda – I’m officially still calling Lucius in case the next kid is a boy and I promise not to use Jack or Gabe.


18 thoughts on “Yet another way to totally fuck up your kid.

  1. Is “M” still going to be a “von”? That sounds good too you know. And look at how I tried not to name the little one something boooring and typical. She’s a modern-day Jennifer. I expect you’ll give her extra love when she doesn’t feel unique enough, you know, tell her the snowflake thing. You understand what that feels like – hehehe

    but you know what? She’ll be able to get all kinds of neat stuff with her name already printed on it like cheesy mugs and notepads and sparkly pencils. The older gal over here you love so much, she’s jealous but being she has a unique name, I’ll give her extra love on that issue since I know what that’s like. See, we pair up well. We do well screwing up the kids.

  2. I seriously kind of like Optimus. Or Maximus? And then you could just call him Max?!

    I know someone who just named their kid Lucius and the Lucifer jokes have already started…I, personally, would never think of that, but obviously there are a lot of people who do!

  3. Ha! We didn’t tell ANYONE the names we had narrowed down for my Baby Bird and this really didn’t sit my Mom. So she asked us what names we decided against. So we told her “Hayden” and she said, “Oh-Good thing you didn’t pick that name!”

    THAT was precisely the reason we didn’t tell anyone!!!

    So excited for you!

  4. This name is totally called – but what with my not running into any of you on a daily basis or being related – feel free –
    Christof Decklan (but rufname Decklan)
    When I was in high school I was nuts about the name “Tristan” – all creatures greant and small, dontchaknow and I am ashamedly a fan of “Lorelei”. There are oodles of wonderful Irish names, but even if I were having a child, I would not inflict that spelling on him/her in Germany. Also like Aiden, but it’s apparently #1 in the States now. So I won’t be doing that.

    Just had a cousin use I name I had mentally “called”. My sister also wiped out a couple of names. I will be stuck with “Prudence” at the rate everyone else in the family is snapping up those names. “Graham” is also gone (&%$§/!).

  5. We considered Bode and Jamie for Oliver. If he was a girl, Ella (I still call this).

    I wanted Elijah, Isaiah, Heiko, Cameron, Tobias, Cary (as in Grant), or Aiden (didn’t know it was #1 in the US), but Rainer vetoed them.

  6. Here in our part of Germany Scandinavian names are really popular. But I don’t get it. We read the paper all the time and go, “Huh??” Jen, sweetie, don’t be one of those parents.

  7. Claire, darling, you know the name of our little mango. Not going all scandia.

    Karita: No comment. 😉

    Ann: that sucks ass. Did they know you wanted those names? I kinda like Prudence, but the Declan is awesome.

    CG: I really like Oliver. Its hard with the top 10 names. the name we were looking at is in the top ten for both germany and the US, but i guess he can go with his middle name if h wants to be different.

    Alice: You and Yelli did great names. I love ’em.

    Ian: My MIL still has trouble with my name. Somehow she gets it confused with Elvira. I am not kidding. She calls me Elvira more often than Jennifer. And at 74 she has no idea the cultural meaning of that name to Americans. She just got lucky.
    Tat: We’re going with the von. The whole thing works deliciously. He can be evil with the name or he can be a superhero AND he misses out on the serial killer triple name thing and jumps right into comic books instead.

    Andrea: I like the names you went with, but as they are my mother’s and my sister’s names, i might be partial.

    Yelli: I’ve been talking my family and everyone has an opion, but mostly just say well, interesting (except for Lucius in which we get a ton of harry potter references if they forget the lucifer thing.) BUT my sister is the worst.
    She’ll call me up and tell me what all her college friends think and how many horrible nicknames they’ve thought up. I finally told her we were going with Elmore to quiet the mocking.

  8. Let’s see. We’re done, so you can use mine any time.
    Leviticus (hubby shot that down)
    Lawrence (ha ha… after hubs agent)
    Malik (after Malik Sealy)
    Amare (which we used but changed the spelling)

    Happy naming!

  9. My favorite name works for a boy or girl: Kendall. Maya is also a great girl’s name.

    Sydney’s in-utero nickname was Bunter; taken straight from the pages of Stephen King’s ‘Bag Of Bones’. By the way, I think Leviticus (Levi for short) is awesome…

  10. We had a huge problem with boys names, which doesn´t make it any easier when you have 2 boys. The girls names for the first were, Holly or Zara – my ex wanted him to be called Adrian – I said NO, as I worked with a rather scruffy overweight paediatrician with that name at the time. I sneaked Ross in, when the midwife asked, about 3 minutes after having giving birth, through a haze of Pethidine. My son had to have a Scottish name.
    The second bundle of blue joy is Martin. His possible girly named were Catriona and Maihri, both Scottish. In the end he was named after a little boy who was a patient of mine. He had huge problems but his eyes lit up and he laughed alot when I used to treat him. He was gorgeous and very brave, I tried to bring something positive out of what was a very sad story.
    I think they are both happy with their names.

  11. I was convinced for months my towhead was a boy: Caleb Michael. For the next one (but you’re welcome to use them since we’re an ocean away) we’ve considered Paul, Zacharias, Benjamin, and Orion. The second’s on Towhead’s name, once we knew she was a girl, were Moira, Lucine, Catherine and Sophia. I had three names in mind, and I wanted so badly to name her before I gave birth, but we couldn’t decide. The funny thing is that the hubby and I both looked at her, and without saying a thing to each other, both decided on the same name. A friend of mine named her girl Nyree, a New Zealand name she liked while studying abroad.

  12. As someone who is FROM the Bronx, I am ROFTL over anyone stupid enough to give it to their kid for a name.

    My husband’s last name is Spanish, and it’s one that always gets mangled by English speakers. As a result we made sure that our daughters have pretty but standard first names that are easy to spell and pronounce. And I’d suggest the same for your little bundle of joy.

    (Think of how it’s going to sound when you’re yelling it in the playground. Or when the nurse calls you in for your appointment. Or how it’s going to sound in school when they’re calling the roll.)

    Here in a highly overprivileged area of Northern Virginia every other little boy right now seems to named Jack or John. I kid you not, I have 5-6 of them revolving in and out of my “Mother Goose” program. And those that aren’t Jacks are usually Wills. We have lots of little Maxes and Jacobs as well.

    Oh, and the girls all seem to be Sophia/Sophie, Isabel/Isabella or Olivia.
    Isabella was on MY name list back when I had one. And the Man wanted Amelia. We decided both were too much of a mouthful with a 4 syllable last name.

    If we’d had a boy he would have been Thomas Martin, but since we had girls, those are both still out there.

    And for some truly horrid names, there is a fabulous website at that will provide you with hours of what NOT to name your baby….

  13. And yet, Palin’s children’s names never made it on that list?!?

    Our boy (Mitchell Quinn) was named long before he was conceived – about 3 years before – and we’ve only rarely run into lads with the same name (none here in Germany, of course.)

    My daughters’ names weren’t even on the radar of that stupid Top Ten list until the year I named them. Do you know how many Samanthas and Hannahs there are now?!? At least their middle names are less common – Moriah and Delanie.

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