No boring, self important kids allowed

Don’t know if you can tell, but it’s 2:52 am where I am.  Yep.  2:52.

Sparky is fully adjusted and is functioning just fine.  Sleeping he is.  Like a kitten or a baby or a million and four things I am not right now.  I, on the other hand am finding that pool of crankiness I’ve been so long without as I continue to struggle.

Perhaps I’m just supposed to get up everyday at 2 am.  Perhaps it’s my new normal to fall back to sleep at 6 am to get up at 10 am completely wiped out. Perhaps this is just training for Loki. Perhaps I’m going out of my mind with this and I really want to take a farging* sleeping pill.

Whatever.

In other news, I had a fantastic time in Cali this year.  I didn’t get to see everyone or do everything I wanted to do, but it was so relaxing and enjoyable. I really miss home.

I’m not one of these expats that has fallen hopelessly in love with Krautland.  Not even a smidgen.   We will move back to California and it’ll be sooner than later.  I want Loki to be raised bi-culturally, but I really want him around extended family.

One of the best lessons I have ever learned, in all my years, was not to take myself so seriously.  I have my family to thank for that.   I got away with nothing.  From pranks to commentary, my family was a tough-assed crowd.  NO ONE – not parents, aunts, uncles, siblings- pulled any punches.

On a date?  The clan was there to be very nice and wish me well and when I got home, holy moly, the poor guy was torn apart. Unless they liked him more than me.  Then my short comings were reduced to a fine sauce and liberally spooned over what would become my corpse of embarrassment.

1987-las-lomas-international-club-outing-12It’s why they never saved me from my red Sally Jesse Raphael glasses.  They needed fodder for later.  A savings account for humiliation.

I have cousins who were sheltered or “protected” from the tough crowd and today they are the most pompous, ridiculous people who scream to be mocked.  When I see their faces get red from indignation, I can only think that if they had gotten when they were younger, it wouldn’t be so bad today.

I will not have Loki raised to be boring and so full of self-importance that I can’t stand to be around him.  I need family to step in when I get too kissy face with the kid because I already feel it coming.  I’m going to be ridiculously in love with my kid and there is only one way to save him.

The only shot Loki has at a truly functional dysfunctional life is is MY family.

*Farging – I’m working on not swearing so much.  I don’t want a two-year-old who mixes the perfect cosmo AND swears.

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2 thoughts on “No boring, self important kids allowed

  1. I too have NOT fallen for this country. I completely get what you are saying though I don’t have the added complication of a spouse from here but… here’s hoping you get home sooner rather than later.

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