Don’t know if you can tell, but it’s 2:52 am where I am. Yep. 2:52.
Sparky is fully adjusted and is functioning just fine. Sleeping he is. Like a kitten or a baby or a million and four things I am not right now. I, on the other hand am finding that pool of crankiness I’ve been so long without as I continue to struggle.
Perhaps I’m just supposed to get up everyday at 2 am. Perhaps it’s my new normal to fall back to sleep at 6 am to get up at 10 am completely wiped out. Perhaps this is just training for Loki. Perhaps I’m going out of my mind with this and I really want to take a farging* sleeping pill.
In other news, I had a fantastic time in Cali this year. I didn’t get to see everyone or do everything I wanted to do, but it was so relaxing and enjoyable. I really miss home.
I’m not one of these expats that has fallen hopelessly in love with Krautland. Not even a smidgen. We will move back to California and it’ll be sooner than later. I want Loki to be raised bi-culturally, but I really want him around extended family.
One of the best lessons I have ever learned, in all my years, was not to take myself so seriously. I have my family to thank for that. I got away with nothing. From pranks to commentary, my family was a tough-assed crowd. NO ONE – not parents, aunts, uncles, siblings- pulled any punches.
On a date? The clan was there to be very nice and wish me well and when I got home, holy moly, the poor guy was torn apart. Unless they liked him more than me. Then my short comings were reduced to a fine sauce and liberally spooned over what would become my corpse of embarrassment.
It’s why they never saved me from my red Sally Jesse Raphael glasses. They needed fodder for later. A savings account for humiliation.
I have cousins who were sheltered or “protected” from the tough crowd and today they are the most pompous, ridiculous people who scream to be mocked. When I see their faces get red from indignation, I can only think that if they had gotten when they were younger, it wouldn’t be so bad today.
I will not have Loki raised to be boring and so full of self-importance that I can’t stand to be around him. I need family to step in when I get too kissy face with the kid because I already feel it coming. I’m going to be ridiculously in love with my kid and there is only one way to save him.
The only shot Loki has at a truly functional dysfunctional life is is MY family.
*Farging – I’m working on not swearing so much. I don’t want a two-year-old who mixes the perfect cosmo AND swears.