“So, what would you do if you walked in the house and the Czech porn star nanny was bent over, pulling up her hose? And she was wearing a short skirt?”
If you’re married or in a long term relationship, you might recognize this.
Its called a trap.
Through no fault of his own, Sparky found himself stuck in a hypothetical situation – Loki has a former Czech porn star as a nanny and Sparky is to answer my questions as to how he would handle specific, albeit HIGHLY unlikely scenarios. Why I would agree to HIRE a former porn star for a nanny was never addressed, but needless to say, this was a trap I laid for Sparky and questioning such a hypothetical situation is an advanced skill.
Add to his peril, this conversation took place after midnight, on vacation, when he was so tired I could see his eyes rolling in his head. I wasn’t tired. I was thinking about Nannies.
He did such a good job that by the end of the conversation I realized that I’m going to have to work harder next time. My skills have weakened. He answered my questions seriously, correctly and with what he hoped was a thoughtfulness that convinced me that if we should employ a Czech porn star nanny, I will feel safe and secure in our relationship and not worry that I’m going to come home to some “Hand that Rocks the Cradle” scene.
I have to say, Sparky traversed this craggy crossing like an old Sherpa. Even when I asked, “What if you’re masturbating and she walks in and offers to help you”, he avoided danger. Seriously, how do you answer that question to your 9 month pregnant wife? Very, very carefully. I can’t remember what he said, but it made me laugh and was thus forgotten.
And no, we are not hiring a former Czech porn star nanny.
This is how our weekend went. It was charmed.
We spent the entire weekend with Tilman at his place in the south. Tilman spent the weekend cooking and hosting us as if we were royalty. He chauffeured us into Basel both days for fantastic food and views and shopping. Not to mention books and music.
T lives in this sleepy little village of farms and barns. We woke up every morning to the sounds of chickens, tractors and church bells. It was idyllic. Sparky, my boy from the willage, wanted to spend a couple of weeks there, remembering how wonderful his childhood was in a village. I could tell he just wanted to jump on his bike with two friends and explore the hillsides. So different from the BART/city explorations of my childhood.
I was feeling fat and extremely unattractive. Between my ear issues and my lack of lung power, I felt like an invalid, unable to keep up. But you know, those men, they squired me around, made sure I could, in fact, breathe and was comfortable and then they proceed to complement and cosset me all day and night. I’ll tell you, that Tilda Swinton knows what she’s doing.
So what can I say? I’m living a charmed life. Oh don’t get me wrong. I’m still going to complain, but as last weekend was our last weekend away sans child, it was remarkably wonderful.