Three Men and a Baby

Dude, it’s been so freakin’ busy over here at the House of Flying Cats I can’t even tell you what we’ve been up to.

I don’t know why we have cats that require so much attention.  I have a cat without a penis, a cat who is allergic to cats and then there is Ollie.  He is a cat unto himself. He’s more of a hybrid – a cat/dog/gremlin hybrid. We no longer feed him after midnight. NO MATTER HOW HARD HE THROWS HIMSELF AGAINST THE DOOR.  Between opening locked doors and insisting on snuggles regardless of the baby in my arms, he also has an anal sack issue.

Last Saturday night at 11:30 pm, just as I was laying down to sleep, the fucker opened said locked door and jumped on my pillow.  I gently smacked his red-headed ass to push him off my pillow and for my efforts was rewarded with stinky cat juice all over my hand, headboard, pillows and sheets. Not only did i have to completely re-make the bed, clean off the fabric headboard, but I had to, uh, empty the rest of the mess from the source.  That’s fun.  Squeezing cat ass at midnight.

That’s how it’s been lately.

I finally got my hair cut and colored. I asked Sparky if I needed to color my graying locks and he said no. He sees a lot of moms with dull hair and I looked fine.

See what I mean?  Anal sack all over the place.

Anyway, I’ll post a picture of my hair – before/after if I can find a moment to take a shower and actually style it.  It’s not bad if  I do say so myself.  It had gotten so long my ears poked through and let me tell you, that is too long.

It’s short now.  Above my shoulders.  And I like it.

Max hit his fourth month which means real food!  I was so excited and video taped everything with my fancy pants new video camera.  Carrots were his first meal.

What I didn’t tape was the two days of intestinally stored carrots that showed up all at once.  And oh my god did it stink.  I totally blamed Kiska, the farting cat, for the odor because as a breastfed baby, his poop doesn’t stink. Well, until now, that is. Holy crap, Batman.  And I know it is only going to get worse.

I got that video camera for my birthday.  It was a birthday that had such potential for sexiness, yet not.

Tilman flew back from Qatar and had coffee with me that morning.  Remember, if I were Tilda, Tilman would be well, Tilman. He showered me with gifts, coffee and conversation while Sparky worked.  Sparky was a little upset because Tilman’s gifts set a high bar. Lucky me.

Then Elijah showed up and cleaned my house barefoot to the tunes of Patsy Cline. His choice of music. I love Elijah.

Then Sparky took me to a hotel in Frankfurt to try out a bed where I was gifted with room service and champagne and a huge bouquet of flowers and a birthday gift of this super duper video camera.

So, between Tilman, Elijah, Sparky, the Hotel, the bed and the video camera, it had porn written all over it.  At least in my head.

This is where the baby part comes in.

Remember way back when I was all concerned about getting Max his crib and bassinet before he was born because I didn’t know where he was going to sleep?  Yeah, well, he has yet to sleep in his crib – he plays in there in the morning.  The cats have slept in the bassinet more often than Max.

Our bed?  Our double bed (American double, not euro double) which was so nice when we were, as Tilman puts it, a fresh couple, is so small that Sparky’s preference for sleeping opposite me now has a function.  We don’t all fit in the same direction.

We went to the Westin to try out the king sized Simmons that we are ordering after 6 years of sleeping on a crappy ass euro piece of anal sack.

And I have a little guy who takes up prime mattress real estate.

And he did my birthday night too. We found out the bed is big enough and comfy beyond my hopes and is in process, so by January I should have a beautiful large comfy bed.  Thanks, Global Librarian, for the info and the links.

No sexiness was had in the making of the birthday.  Damn.

Shit.  Max is up from his 30 minute nap and my free time is ovah.

Dingo Snack and Baby Leg Bones

Gratuitous Elijah Shot – taken on the down low…


Later Gators


9 thoughts on “Three Men and a Baby

  1. Leg warmers?! Really. On a baby boy? I need to get the new “Baby Instyle Magazine.” Christopher just wears jeans and t-shirts . . . I was thinking of this picture today when I started chasing Chris around the living room going, “Dingo ate my baby!” We were both laughing hysterically, but it was probably not very PC.

  2. GL: Again, THANK YOU!!!
    Maria – I know I can’t tell you how happy i am.
    Claire: It’s all about the BABY LEGS. I’ll send you the link. I found them on sale here in krautland, but you had to buy 40 euro worth. Max has 14 pair because they were so cheap. I had a hardtime with the actual vendor or I’d link them, but yeah, they were like 3 euro a piece and totally worth it.

    Unfortunately, they satisfy my mother-in-laws requirement for warm legs and feet. I was really trying to pissher off by always having Max’s feet bare, you know because I’m trying to make them fall off.
    I suppose that is another blog post.

    Dude, dingo snack is so not PC, but then again, most humor isn’t.

    I suppose you’re back?

  3. Great move on the bed. Happy to know progress is happening in that market!

    A non-PC present I have been meaning to suggest (and he’s about old enough to start on this), is this cute baby book on how to mix cocktails for mommy, 😉 “Baby Fix Me a Drink” has been gifted to all new parents in our circle:

    Also, still a little too young for him now, but next year he’ll love: Pigeon Finds A Hot Dog:

    I’m a huge fan of Baby Legs. They’re brilliant and so helpful with kids who prefer to be without pants. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s