An Old Identity

I changed my last name way back when. It was a few years after Sparky and I married because I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I had worked hard to become who I was and had a real problem with losing that name for a name that wasn’t mine.

Well, so I changed my name to his and in a way, tried to change me to fit that name. It never worked. It just felt wrong.  Not a little wrong, a lot wrong. I felt I had betrayed myself in some way.  Sparky is my husband and I love him, but my name was and is who I am still, years after I moved here and we married.  In my head, I will always be Massana.

It has absolutely nothing to do with Sparky or my love for him, but rather the love I need to have for myself.

I changed it back.

I stuck in a hyphen so I can be Max’s mom when needed and I can be me all the other times.

Last week I got my new passport card.  Massana right there all official.

I felt like I had come home.

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8 thoughts on “An Old Identity

  1. Groovy. Welcome back.

    I never changed my name. The identity thing was a big part of it, but what really sealed the deal was the avoidance of paperwork.

  2. It was really important to me to keep mine. I think our reasons are probably similar. My husband also understood and was supportive.

    Most of the feedback I got from the Germans was: what about if you have children? How will everyone know you are a family and their mother?

    Germans and their name fixations irk me a bit. Makes me want to do things like name my kids Fork, Knife and Spoon…

  3. Good for you!!

    I totally understand!! I never changed mine, either. I just did not get it. I love Matthias, but when we got married I felt that I was not going to stop being me. It took me a LONG time to come to terms with who I am and my name was part of that. Matthias did not care. “Just say yes!”

    The doctor’s office, day care, etc. They all call me Frau Schuette. I just let it pass. After all, we wear many hats!

  4. By the time we got married I was 30-something, had a long credit record and job history under my name, and I didn’t want to go through all the paperwork.

    The Man’s last name is a long Spanish one that people mispronounce and misspell, while mine is a Jewish name that is also commonly used in English.No one has trouble with it. It fits who I am.

    But I’m the Man’s wife and the girls both have his last name. And while I don’t use it in general, I am proud to be “Mrs C…..” whenever addressed by such and I will answer to it readily. It marks that I am part of a family that I love.

    I do occasionally threaten to change over to his name though because my last name is the same as a well known TV personality that I LOATHE, and I get asked if I am related. And I’m NOT!

  5. i know your like kinda busy, what with a baby & shit… but in the immortal words of Mim… “POST!”

    (BTW, “Seaplane!”)

  6. I’m the freak here. I even published under my maiden name and still had not even the tiniest second thought about changing it. I didn’t find it changed anything about my identity, oddly enough…I’ve never really understood the identity argument. The fact that name-changing at marriage is a really weird tradition does make sense to me though.

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