I know what you are trying to do and I am hereby discouraging you.
I will not take a bottle. I know I have in the past. I know you have fed me breast milk via a bottle since I was a wee 2 weeks old in order to avoid this problem, but I’m on to you. I know what you’re trying to do.
Dr. Sears suggests child-led weaning and this kid ain’t leading. In fact, to help you figure out that I only want the boob and not some badly flavoured formula I will now wake up every other hour in the night to eat. This will not only drive you crazy with sleep deprivation, but if I keep it up for a while, I will succeed in making those gigantic boobs bigger. Do you want that, Mother? Do you?
My technique of latching on hard then moving my head swiftly to the side thus breaking the seal. Well, it could be worse. Do you want that? You say you started the weaning because of said behaviour, well, let’s just see how that goes.
I’ve scheduled a growth spurt next week and plan on keeping you up feeding that spurt. I will become clingy and needy. You will wreck me irrevocably. I will feel rejected and abandoned. These feelings will follow me for the rest of my life because you dare to wean me before I want to be weaned. Are you trying to pack my emotional baggage this early?
Stop with the attempt to get your body back. You are my mommy and will do as I wish. And I wish for a minty momma cocktail. Pronto.
Max aka Vindaloo Boo Boo and all those other inane nicknames.
P.S. Stewie from Family Guy and I have been communicating. Don’t make me go there.
P.P.S. I need more kisses and snuggles. I’ve only received 897 kisses this morning and it’s already 9 am. Get on it, lady. More kisses. More snuggles. More Giggles.
P.P.P.S. I’m digging The Beatles. More please.