‘Bout a ghost from a wishing well

So I’m still hanging around.  The computer and I have a love/hate relationship.  We’re in the phase where he has to chase me, to prove that he loves me because I have been his bitch for far too long. But like many of my relationships, he’ll not play that way.  He just sits there on the desk holding out, knowing that at some point, I’ll crave the communication he alone provides or I’ll need a new dress (because I’ve been going out so often lately) and I’ll log on to Nordstroms and salivate over the gorgeous frocks I could purchase if only I were back in the states.

I noticed the other day when I was rocking Max to sleep that I have inadvertently surrounded him with those things that have brought me solace and comfort throughout my life – books, family pictures, memories of San Francisco. I hope to be back in Northern California soon, to live the life that is in those pictures as opposed to reliving them in stories or in my mind in the quiet of his room. To quote the famous brainiac Denise Richards “It’s complicated.”

What I don’t want to bring into Max’s world is the level of disrespect that has become so prevalent in America right now.  Why is it okay for Senators to shout at the President? Why is it okay for the republicans to incite violence and then hide behind “it’s just words” argument. And really, revolution?  Over healthcare? Over your not so hidden racist “problem” with the Black guy in office. Are you fucking kidding me? Have we gotten so fat and happy that we fail to understand why revolutions are fought? Want an idea? Go to the Congo then come back and tell me you are ready to kill because kids can no longer have “pre-existing” conditions.

And thus my infinite well of rage has been pried open. I do try to keep a lid on it as to not burn all that surrounds and as long as I live the lobotomized life of the doctor’s wife in the wilds of the German countryside, bucolic and bland, tamed over centuries, I can do it.

Then springtime comes before I’m ready and those god damned birds start singing as the sun rises behind the thick layer of clouds and I start wishing for the .22 Calico I left back at Ruby Ridge.


12 thoughts on “‘Bout a ghost from a wishing well

  1. As much as I miss the States and things that made me happy as a child, it is precisely that toxic thinking going on over there right now that keeps us from moving back. I discovered that last October. I simply do not want to raise my child in that kind of environment.

    I think we need a visit and to go out wearing frocks!

    PS Dear God make the birds stop!

  2. From the SF Bay (yes a little island in the Bay): the birds are not yet singing here as the sun rises. We’re still having the winter/spring fits; today we had alternating 2 hours of sunshine with 2 hours of rain all day long!

    The discourse in the SF Bay Area is fairly civil. The most contentious subject appears to be zoning/development (e.g. how to use land) and public school funding. Long story: state is broke, no sign of deliverance in the near future. Courts are requiring regional housing/jobs balance with transit orientation. The Health Care Reform debate and its attendant eccentricities did not/has not appeared in great strength in CA. Maybe we’re just all locked into our computers out here!

    So come spend the summer (that means Aug – Oct) in SF and enjoy! (Lots of real Nordstroms stores here!)


  3. nice post. whenever i think about moving back to the states i get stuck on that, “what the hell are half the people other there thinking” thought and quickly start thinking about something else.

  4. I can’t speak for everyone on this side of the pond, but “I” am thinking that those in DC shouting at the president need to cut their own salaries and try the real health care system most people use instead of the socialized top-tier plans they enjoy at tax-payers expense.

    That said, most people (in Washington or in SF) live fairly peaceful and, albeit a little tougher in the recession, unaffected lives. Truthfully, I listen to the news and I wonder where these idiots live and what the hell they are thinking. It sounds like many of the debates I heard in high school: unintelligent; uninformed; based on stereotypes, lies, or someting they heard third or fourth-hand; and filled with the flaming rhetoric of someone looking for a fight, a place to exercise their undirected rage at the world for having the gall to be “unfair.”

    That said, I’d love to know when you find yourself on the west coast so I can come visit 🙂

  5. Tell me about it! I MUST GET OUT OF OKLAHOMA! Sweet Jesus, so many people here are UGLY, and not necessarily in a physical way!!!

  6. “live the life that is in those pictures as opposed to reliving them in stories or in my mind …”

    I dream of that too and then I realize time in our world is an arrow. America thus far sucks. I miss you, Germany’s non-commercialism, laughing, being understood, feeling free and going to the doctor *without* seeing a Bible next to the magazines in the waiting room or driving on the main road on Sunday w/o seeing anti-abortion protests. It’s much easier to explain the nudity Erotic Expo posters plastered in downtown Frankfurt to my kids than anti-abortion protests. It is so fucked up here.

  7. There are moments–more than moments lately when my urge it to take my girls, my spouse and my cats and move to Canada. We’d be close to the NY border so I could see my family and friends, we’d have health care and guns seen as tools for hunting, not for waving in crowds of crazies and the word “loon” brings just the currency to mind.

    But here we are, just outside of DC–literally inside the Beltway. And here with us inside the Beltway are thousands of folks who are NOT lobbyists or politicians but ordinary folk just living our lives and raising our kids and hating the ugliness with us.

    My family left Poland and Russian because of persecution and we’ve lived here for generations and given back just as much–probably more than these nasty little parasites.

    It’s our country too, damnit. And they are not going to prevail!

  8. I think America’s glory days are over, and if I were my kids’ ages, I might seriously consider moving the “roots” back to Europe. Aleks loves Prague and said he could see settling down in Europe, which both made me proud of him and tugged heavily on my maternal heart strings. The US, including the Bay Area, just isn’t what it used to be. Maybe you should come to Seattle; I think it’s as good as America gets right now!

    Miss you!

  9. As much as you seem to yearn for the US, I lean in the opposite direction. If my family and friends weren’t there, it would be just a place I visit on vacation each year.

    Each time I go back, it feels stranger and stranger. I don’t understand these people and their issues. Nberg is just a pit stop for us, but each time my husband floats possible city names that fall within the 50 US Continental, I get a sinking feeling in my stomach.

    You know, honestly, if we could just solve the international shipping and copyright issues, and get me my consumer goods and Movies/TV, I’d be pretty happy.

  10. Just stumbled on this post — so glad to see your blog again, after I’d lost track of it.. Third paragraph’s just what I needed. I am missing my friends in Germany who ask good questions from a sane and civilized perspective. Today, you’ve provided that. Thanks. Travel happily and safely.

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