S and M’s

Three days and counting.

Friday morning I’m taking off for Hamburg where I plan on abandoning my family and getting naked (or scantily clothed) and letting people do things to me.

Three days of saunas and massage. Pedicures and skin care. Room Service and wine. King size beds and black-out curtains.

Skin care. I’m actually getting a facial, but can you actually say facial without thinking something naughty? You can? I can’t. Perhaps its the company I keep.

It’s like water sports. I heard a couple of my co-workers use the term and I blew my coffee through my nose. My ears perked up because well, my circle here in Krautland is rather tame. It had been a long time since a couple of guys were so open and vocal about their love of water sports. They talked about the weekend that was filled with nothing but water sports.

Turns out they were talking about wind surfing and the like, sport in/on water. It was kind of a let down.

But anyway, I’m off with Miss Claire and Miss Alice to the Park Hyatt where we plan on doing nothing but spa treatments and room service, perhaps a little shopping.

I have a 10 inch stack of gossip magazines and a trashy novel. We’re each bringing wine. I have my bag almost packed and my navi system programmed. I am ready to go.

Sparky is currently in Hamburg and Max is sick. I took Max to the gym child care and came home 300 calories poorer and one cold richer. I think I’ll keep the calories next time. But if I keep the calories, I have to give up the chocolate. I lose anyway you look at it.

What I’m trying to say (I keep getting distracted) is that I so deserve this weekend and after a successful Webum/Webmu, I’m confident that when I leave the house at 8 am on Friday, it’ll take me approximately 3 minutes “get over it” and enjoy the drive north.

I’m leaving the guys to fend for themselves. In Sparky’s world this translates to “Spend lots of time at Oma’s”. As of 2 pm on Saturday I will not care. I will have a large strong man I affectionately call Gunter beating the crap out of my muscles in a deep tissue massage. If I don’t leave sore, it’s not worth it. That sounds dirty too, doesn’t it?

Don’t get me wrong. I’ll miss the Pooper. There are nights when I miss him so much after I’ve put him to bed I look at his pictures all night. But this next weekend. I think I’ll be just fine. I’ll assuage my misery with a turkey club delivered to my room. Or perhaps the appletinis upon arrival at said hotel will help.

I suppose, like many other hardships in my life, I will survive.



7 thoughts on “S and M’s

  1. The “water sports” thing always throws me.

    I remember the first time I proof read a resume for an undergraduate at an American university and in the hobbies section he included “water sports” — I too blew coffee through my nose. For me there is nothing innocent about the term–I always take it for suggesting… well, you already think the way I do.

    Hence, I love you.

    I hope Gunter, in addition to leaving you sore, is hot.

    Viel Spaß!

  2. hahahaha! I blew tea through my nose reading this post. Glad to see another Jen post. No one can write them like you.

    Have a great weekend!

  3. I too have had the “water sports” snorting moment, also a “tea bagging” one.
    This makes morning coffee in the company kitchen a fun time.

    Enjoy the sweet abuse in Hamburg with the ladies.

  4. i don’t get the water sports thing. sorry. yes, i’m THIS innocent *cough* seriously though. someone explain, please.

    PS. never mind. i clicked on the link. eww.

  5. How will you be able to decide between a “low-neckline-massage” and an “eyebrow correction”?? I love German to English menu translations…even more when it is a spa menu. I am thoroughly jealous of your getaway.

    I imagine if you said you wanted a golden shower they would think it was one of those cheesy brass plated things from the early 90’s. Isn’t this supposed to be the fetish capital of the world too? Perhaps that is in one of the two cities we don’t live in.

    Maybe Sparky will lure you home with the promise of a pearl necklace. Until then, enjoy your facial 😉

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